Baby Boon

A Painful Experience: Intussusception

2012-02-18T23:55:00.008+08:00

On Monday we brought Ilan for his MMR jab and the second dose of Rotavirus immunisation. On Tuesday as I was getting my bags ready to leave for work at about 4 pm, Nila was cleaning Ilan's poo and I took over because I knew I would miss him tons at work. As usual I took the diaper off, put it aside and washed him up in the toilet. After dressing him up again, I went into the toilet and opened the diaper for an observation.

Call it paranoia. Call it motherly instinct. About a month ago he had light spots of blood in his poo during a bout of diarrhea. And since then the disturbing, nagging voice at the back of my head keeps telling me that I should continue checking his diaper at every diaper change. When I'm not around and Nila changes him, I'd question her about the colour of the poo, and if there were any blood spots in it. I did this every single day. Don't ask me why, I just did.

Instinct nagged at me to be extra cautious. Weird how motherly instinct works.

On that Tuesday I stopped in my tracks when I saw the bloody jelly-like spots in his diaper. I asked Nila if there were similar spots before (I was doing work at home the whole morning and couldn't monitor Ilan closely). She said no.

As I sat there thinking, Ilan pooed again.

Same jelly-like bloody spots.

I messaged his paed on her mobile phone. Even sent her the picture of poo. Apologised profusely for the need to do so (gross, picture of poo).

And good ol' heart sank when the doc said, hurry, take him to the hospital asap. It might be a condition called Intussusception.

What?! What on earth is that.

Taken from Wikipedia:

"An intussusception is a medical condition in which a part of the intestine has invaginated into another section of intestine, similar to the way in which the parts of a collapsible telescope slide into one another. This can often result in an obstruction. The part that prolapses into the other is called the intussusceptum, and the part that receives it is called the intussuscipiens."

I called work and informed them I wasn't coming in. I could tell they weren't very happy but frankly I couldn't care less. My babies are the most important thing in my life.

Got to Damansara Specialist (our paed told us to see Dr. Razak, the paed surgeon. She had called him in personally), and the M.O. checked Ilan first. A few minutes later Dr. R came in, the kind man was in his workout clothes and had rushed in as soon as he received the call.

A checkup, hmm.. suspicious. One part of his abdomen seemed tender and sensitive. But.. if it's Intussusception, why was this baby so happy? So cheerful. Babies with intussusception would usually be in pain, bawling, upset.

An ultrasound. Suspicious indeed. The radiologist looked serious as she told Dr. R: "Well, doctor, I'm waiting for your call."

It isn't a nice feeling when your doctors look solemn and serious.

It was decided that a Barium Enema would be done.

I was lost. What is that..??? There was no time to consult Mister G00gle. Everything was happening too fast.

Dr. R tried his best to explain the procedure in laymen's terms. It's an xray procedure, but at the same time we will put in a liquid called barium into Ilan's intestines.. the liquid is like a dye so that we can see the intestines in the xrays clearly. At the same time the procedure will also reduce the obstruction and hopefully there will be no need to deal with this through surgery. Ultimately we want to avoid surgery.

Okay doctor, whatever you think is best. We nodded our permission numbly.

Barium Enema:

"A lower gastrointestinal series, also called a barium enema, is a medical procedure used to examine and diagnose problems with the human colon (large intestine). X-ray pictures are taken while barium sulfate fills the colon via the rectum."

We walked into the procedure room.

The doctor pointed to the equipment. We will use a soft tube to insert the barium into his intestines, he said. The tube will be inserted through Ilan's anus.

Ghastly images formed in my head.

I put Ilan down on the xray bed. Took off his clothes, diaper left on. Don't worry, we will cover him with a blanket and he will not be cold, the doctor said kindly.

H and I had to wait outside.

The 20 minutes that followed seemed too long.

Ilan's screams were inhumane. He sounded like he was being mutilated. I covered my ears hard with my hands and recited Allah's name repeatedly. All zikirs and ayats and proper doas learned through childhood and adulthood forgotten and only God's name stuck to my head. Through my hands I could hear Ilan scream continuously and although I told myself to get a grip, when I looked up at H, I couldn't see him. Tears clogged my eyes and then I realised my face was drenched.

I'd never heard a baby cry like that before.

H said he had. Back when they drilled holes into Gibran's lungs in Assunta's Neonatal ICU, and I wasn't there because they'd transferred him into a different hospital.

I went for a walk. I bought guavas.

When I came back, Ilan was on a bed outside the room. H was changing his diaper. Ilan was whimpering. His lips trembled uncontrollably. His hands were shaking. Barium liquid was coming out uncontrollably, in torrents, from his anus. We changed diaper after diaper. His pants were soiled. He was ice cold from fear and the air cond in the procedure room. In the end we wrapped him up and cuddled him close as tightly as we could.

The doctor showed us pictures of his xray and where the intestinal blockage was. Ilan was to spend the night at the hospital for observation.

That night I curled my S-shaped spine onto the small hospital bed and nursed him as much as I could. He had an IV drip on his small left arm. He tried to wave it off all night while I spent the whole night untangling and arranging it back in place. All diapers were given to the nurses for observation.

By afternoon the kindly doctor had come in to check on Ilan and deemed him fit to bring home.

Every day I observe his diaper like a closely guarded science experiment. Every time he throws up I get worried that it might be a negative symptom. When he doesn't feed well I feel bothered and wonder if everything is fine.

The truth is for every pain he went through, I would've gladly traded places with him.

But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, InsyaAllah.

Thank you God for letting us keep Ilan.

A few seconds before we stepped out of the procedure room. H took the picture.

Outside the procedure room.

The next day, before going home. Picture taken by Mama Long who came to visit.

Syukur Alhamdulillah, InsyaAllah we pray that there will be no recurrence.

Of Birds and Bees

2012-02-13T22:16:00.002+08:00

One day when he came back from school..

Gibran: "Mummy, tau tak macam mana Ilan boleh ada dalam perut mummy?"

Me: "Err macam mana?"

Gibran: "Mummy ada egg, dia bulat, very kecik. Then ada sperm shape macam tadpoles, dia datang swim. Swim swim swim swim!! Cepat! Cepat! Dia race! Only one sperm is the winner!! The winner dapat masukkkkk egg! Tau tak, egg campur sperm tu, jadi BAN. The sperm yang pandai draw tu masuk egg. That's why Ban pandai draw, Mummy. Teacher Judy said so."

Me: "Ohhh wow! I see!" (about to pengsan..)

Gibran: "Mummy, sperm tu masuk situ by magic, kan? Kan?"

Me: (Ding ding ding ding!!! Easy way out! Take it take it!!) "Oh yes of course! It's all MAGIC!!"

Lovey Dovey

2012-02-12T23:58:00.003+08:00

Gibran gets embarrassed watching lovey dovey scenes on tv. He'd runnn away as quickly as he can from the tv and hide behind the sofa, eyes covered, till the lovey dovey scene is over. Once in a while when he smooches me, he'd laugh and cover his eyes because he feels shy and embarrassed.

One day, he asked me if he could download the new talking tom game. Talking Tom now has a girlfriend it seems.

How he giggled and covered his face when talking tom hugs and kisses the girlfriend! Once in a while he finds it so amusing that he ends up rolling about in laughter on the floor.

And once in a while I catch him playing the game quietly in a corner, hidden from prying eyes. Making talking tom kiss his girlfriend, then giggling as quietly as possible, hands covering eyes and mouth to hide his obvious amusement.

Goodness! What's a mum to do?

P/s: picture was taken by Gibran himself.

Say No To Paparazzis

2012-02-01T23:48:00.002+08:00

Abang does not like his pictures taken nowadays. So most pictures are pictures.. of his back.

He can swim. No longer just sort-of-swim, but he can really really swim. From one deep end of the pool to the other. Alhamdulillah!

He can read but he pretends he can't read with me. It's very puzzling. Sigh. Earlier today he read the info on cartoon network and told me the programs that are showing after the current ones, and I figured he has a syndrome I dub "Selective Reading".

He can do maths (according to his Enopi teacher) but he doesn't want to do maths with me. Also puzzling. He'll count his sums correctly sometimes and shock the heck out of me.. then the next day he pretends not to know the difference between sixteen and sixty. Sigh.

Abang is sometimes a puzzle to me but I love him so and his jokes make my heart sing and my lips smile silly-ly.

:D

Is It Possible..?

2012-02-01T23:28:00.003+08:00

Is it possible that Ilan seems to be more active than Gibran was at his age..? Is it possible that Ilan would become as hyper or even more so (OHMYGOD!) than his Abang...??

If you know Abang personally... you will know that Abang is very, very, VERY active. Hyperactive.

So could Ilan be the same..? Lightning wouldn't strike twice. Would it..??

It seems very possible, I kid you not.

At 5 months, Ilan can roll, push himself forward a little (or a lot!.. depends on his level of motivation..) to get to a particular item he is currently eyeing. He is very, very, VERY determined and would try his best to roll and reach out and push himself forward (although technically he can commando crawl yet).. just to get something he wants.

Before he turned 5 months we already knew to stop holding drinks while carrying him. He'd reach out and grab your mug and you'll end up with spilled drink all over him, and yourself. Remember I mentioned that he thinks he can eat? Yes he thinks he can drink too. He wants all cups. He'll make a grab for the cup you're holding and quickly brings it to his mouth to taste the water in it.

When H carries him at the supermarket and they walk down the aisles, items would fall from the shelves because Ilan would be reaching his arms out, as far as he can, and pull any/all the items he can reach with the mere tips of his little fingers.

When it's time for a nappy change, he wriggles and squirms sooo much, not even a toy can distract him from the wriggling and squirming. So much so that I'm starting to wonder if I wouldn't be needing pull-up pants anytime soon. It's that hard to put diapers on him sometimes.

So as dry-mouthed as I feel just thinking about the possibility...

It might be possible.

He "thinks" he can crawl. *FAINTS*

Memorable...

2012-01-31T23:32:00.004+08:00

It was a hard week. Emotionally.

Then the boys made me laugh. A lot. And then I couldn't stop smiling.

Three days at Avillion was just what the doctor would've prescribed ;)

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

A Fortnight of Diarrhea

2012-01-26T23:01:00.006+08:00

Exactly two weeks and two days ago Ilan started pooing loose stool 5 to 10 times a day. On that first day there were red spots in his poo so I took him to the paed the very next morning. He seemed normal.. lively, happy, animated and not ill at all Alhamdulillah.

Since then there were no more red spots in his diaper. The paed said to give it two weeks to clear up. Now it's been more than two weeks and I'm worried. I can't help it. Gibran always had issues with his lungs and antibody, but he'd never had a stomach bug, can you believe it (thank God!). The good thing is though, the lil fella is okay.. constantly happy and chatty, albeit a little grumpy from teething. A couple of grandaunts have called to say that teething infants can get diarrhea, so maybe it could be that..?

The most annoying thing is that his pooing pattern has become like a newborn again. He's pooing at 4 or 5 or 6 am and we have to wake up to change him. Poor baby, he can't help himself, but it is sooo tiring for me and in the morning I feel so exhausted. Luckily H is on leave (till February), so he's been so good at helping out. He changes Ilan at night and whenever Ilan wakes us up at 7 am (he's like a clockwork.. he wakes up when it's time for Gibran to wake up for school.. but Gibran is on CNY holiday right now!), H would bring him downstairs to let me sleep in a little. So thank goodness for H.

And it's so depressing for me to see my once very chubby baby getting less chubby. He still has chubby cheeks, but now you can actually see his neck. So you know he's losing weight :( But on the upside, he's getting longer and he is developing so fast, it's amazing! Some of his most recent developments are..

He can roll from his back to his tummy, although sometimes his arm would get stuck in the process. Hehehe. From being on his tummy, he'd roll back onto his side but can't seem to go back onto his back. It's too cute to watch ;)

He is so very talkative. He really responds when you talk to him, and he laughs and laughs and laughs when you play with him. He's veryy ticklish, so when H kisses his rib cage or armpit, he'd snort and laugh and laugh till he becomes breathless. His laughter is just so joyful to hear. It really brightens my day (even though I am so deprived of sleep!).

He wants to eat. He thinks he can eat. He likes his probiotics, colic drops and multivitamin. He drinks water like a pro, from a sipper cup. His favourite is water from a normal cup. He'd hold it and sip it like a toddler. Sometimes he'd choke coz he tries to swallow quickly. So funny to watch, this five month old baby who thinks he's big enough to do big boys' stuff. When we eat he drools and chews and thinks he's eating along with us. You can't even drink water with him on your lap because he'd leap forward while sitting on you, and grab at your drink!

That's the other thing that amazes me. He has such grabby hands! He reaches out to grab anything and everything. Yes every kid goes through this stage, I know but ohmyGod often he is soo fast, you can't predict when he'd roll over to grab something that you think you'd put far enough from him. Once I put his fleece blanket away from him, about a foot away. I turned around for 5 seconds to wash my hands, and when I turned back at him the blanket was already covering his face. He is indeed fast and VERY active.

I foresee another CACING KEPANASAN. In other words.. this boy looks like he'll be as hyperactive as his older brother.

Goodness. Hooboy.

Well, maybe the diarrhea is his body's way to shed the weight. Hah.. who knows??

My not-so-chubby-anymore baby.

Who loves receiving attention in the form of endless hugs and kisses! Pictured here being smothered with kisses by Papa Long.

Happy 5 months, Adik! Hopefully your diarrhea will recover soon InsyaAllah.

Slow and Steady....

2012-01-17T01:06:00.004+08:00

Adik takes time to get used to changes. Today I tried him on the stroller for the second time in his life. The first time was on the Zooper, when he was less than two months old and he hated it. This time I tried the super cheapo stroller that Gibran loved when he was an infant. With us oftentimes the cheap buys turn out to be the best buys.

Well..

I don't know if we can call it a success yet. He did seem amused but he hardly seemed pleased. I'm still not going out without the baby carrier!

Nope. No smiles yet.

He's really the expressive type. If he liked it, he would've shown LOTS of excitement.

Oh well...slow and steady does it..

Gerammmm

2012-01-14T00:16:00.001+08:00

Ilan is starting to shriek and shout as part of his conversation skill. It's the cutest sound ever, you can hear it from upstairs if he is shrieking away in the garden. He lovess conversing. Looks like a real talker!

The great thing about having kids far apart in years is that the older brother really treats the little one good (Alhamdulillah!). The older one laughs at the lil one's antics, and makes fun of his cryings but still manages to come close and rubs the little one's head while saying "shhh....shhh... Its ok.. Don't cry....". It's the sweetest thing ever.

Needless to say, the big one has been such an amazing big brother. Praise Almighty!

And the thing is, when the little one shrieks... Noone can resist his cuteness! Geraaaaammmmmmmm....

That Jack O'Lantern

2012-01-13T17:08:00.003+08:00

Remember the pumpkin that started the whole request-for-halloween-themed party on Gibran's birthday?

We kept it for a couple of weeks. Then it ended up in our pengat labu. Yumm.

Watcha Lookin At?

2012-01-13T08:55:00.002+08:00

The new year started with a bang with Gibran ending up with Tadika D's vice principal as his class teacher. I am of course one happy momma coz the teacher is well known for her dedication to teach her kids to read. Ilan on the other hand started the new year with a stomach flu. Four days later and he's still pooing loose stool so we're monitoring him closely. He's losing his chubbiness too fast!

Here in this picture typically the Abang didn't want to pose and the Adik for once was looking at the camera. At this rate there'd never be a good picture of them together!

A Brand New Year

2012-01-09T00:23:00.004+08:00

Happy 2012!

I frankly did not like most of 2011. The one bright, sunny spot in that year was Ilan. Of course there were some high points (Gibran in a proper kindy.. that's memorable!) for our little family, and I'd like to remember the good and throw away the bad. So good riddance 2011.

For 2012 the one thing I am aiming for is more inner peace.

Out with the negatives, in with the positives, InsyaAllah.

The kids need us, so there is no time to mope and be sad. No need to elaborate here, but those close to the family know that this year doesn't promise to be easy either. But no matter how much sadness there is in my life, I must concentrate on the good.. and the biggest good(s) are.. the kids. Of course!

So here's to 2012. May Allah give me strength to be a better Muslim; wife, mum, daughter, and human being as a whole.

The Good(s)!

Note: We finally did shave Ilan's hair off.

The Swimming Gathering

2011-12-27T23:18:00.004+08:00

Yes this is a backdated post.

Gibran asked for a swimming party this year. So we treated him, his cousins and a few of his best friends to a swim at The Club, Bukit Utama. It wasn't a party partayyy.. it was just the usual suspects (immediate family and a few close family friends).

So on 11th December 2011, we arrived there at 10.30 a.m. We'd ordered some food and the good thing is, when you order food, they reserve some space for you as well. So we had several tables to sit at and didn't need to compete with the weekend club crowd. There were about 10 kids in the end. Gibran was ecstatic to be swimming with his pals.

We ordered a simple Jerry cake from Baker's Inn in Kota Damansara. Not bad at all! The butter cake and butter cream were light and not overly sweet. And it was wayyy cheaper than most other big-named bakeries and private cake-makers.

Everyone swam till their lips turned blue. And after they got out, bathed, got dressed and ate.. most of them begged to return to the pool for another swimming session. Heh.. don't they ever get tired?? Welllll.. obviously the adults had had enough by that time, and by 3 pm everybody went home, tummy filled with fried food(s) and cake.

H and I are pretty sure that will be the one and only time we have a party outside the house. Sure you don't have to cook and do the preparations yourself.. but it's so much easier keeping an eye on the kids when you're indoors at home!

At 4 Months: Ilan's Medicines

2011-12-27T22:57:00.004+08:00

My little manja cutie-pie turned four months yesterday.

He is on Avesco preventive inhaler (has been since end of November when he had his bout of Bronchiolitis) as well as the Ventolin inhaler as/when needed. Currently he is on both inhalers because of a mild flu he'd caught from me that caused some congestion in his breathing. The older boys call him "Angry Pig" because of the constant snorting sounds he expels when he chats and laughs.

Four Minus Two

2011-12-26T21:47:00.005+08:00

It's been four months since we became a family of four. And we've never been apart since then. Nor were we ever apart even for one night when we only a family of three. We may have different activities, but at night we're home, together. Gibran has never spent one night away from H and I, and vice versa.

Today H and Gibran left for a long awaited (long planned.. the rooms were booked a few months ago) trip to Thistle PD. Without Ilan and myself. Ilan has been snorty again for the last 10 days or so (he caught a bug from me, but Alhamdulillah it doesn't seem as bad as what I had), and a visit to Dr. J proved that he was indeed a little chesty. He was nebulised, and now he's back on the Ventolin inhaler, every 4 to 6 hours.

So it was decided that Gibran should still go on the trip with H. It's a group trip, with a bunch of the ol' geng (our friends since our teenage hu-ha through-thick-and-thick bunch), with kids in tow seeing that a few of us have kids now. Of course we were all looking forward to this trip, but alas it was not meant to be.

Ilan is alright, but Mummy is like a headless chicken. Everything seems odd, out of place. Strange. The house is extraordinarily quiet without a constantly-chatty Gibran. It also seems weirdly incomplete without the Baba's listening ears and constant puttering around the house (err.. no H doesn't tinker with tools, he tinkers in the kitchen to cook or make drinks, and he tinkers and curses away in front of his computer and gym equipment upstairs in his private "office"). H calls me every time he has a quiet minute there in PD. It's weird to chat on the phone as if we are still teenagers updating each other about our day and bitching about whatever wrongs life is dealing us today.

Indeed our lives don't seem complete without one another.

Come on Wednesday, come my way soon.

First picture of us four when Ilan was four days old.

Ilan's Progress

2011-12-24T00:41:00.006+08:00

Ilan doesn't get his fair share of airtime not because the Mummy doesn't care, but simply because this Mummy has two hands and too many things to do, and there are 24 hours in a day and that always doesn't seem enough. Although maybe Ilan might find this hard to believe, my love for Ilan is as equal and strong as the love I feel for Gibran, okay? Don't ever forget that.

So as best as I can, let me summarize Ilan's progress thus far.

Still flaked with the scaly-looking skin from his days in the womb.. Ilan at 7 days old, already alert, always watching everyone and everything closely during his waking moments.

Tears from his undeveloped tear ducts caused an infection that glued his eyes shut in the mornings, but he didn't wail or whine, he grunted. Yes he's a grunter.. he is. Until now. When I say he "wails"... in reality, he GRUNTS. Loudly. Not of the ear-pearcing wailing kind this boy is. More of a very VOCAL man who knows exactly what he likes and dislikes.

His first outing, to Chilli's One Utama at 30 days old.. which gave him his first running nose. He's very reactive towards dust and crowds.

At one month old, he started to observe us closely, reacting when we smile or frown. And he started gripping H's fingers and attempts (very hard) to pull himself up.

Smiling at me as I smiled down at him, at one month old.

And at that age he also learned to VOCALIZE himself more loudly. But like I said, he's really a grunter. When he wails like this, Alhamdulillah it doesn't last long.

No sirree, he doesn't tolerate what he doesn't like. The camera is one of the things he doesn't fancy. So .. what he doesn't like, he's very clear about.

But when he's in a good mood, nothing in the world can dampen his spirits. Oftentimes you don't even have to go out of your way entertaining this little guy. He can spend 15 to 30 minutes looking around him and laughing away at nothing.

At 2 months old, wearing Abang Ban's old cap, preparing for our trip to Penang.

The trip proved another thing; Ilan doesn't like trips. He doesn't like car rides, road trips.. and basically Ilan just does not like to go out of the house.

Ilan seeks comfort through breastfeeding, from all the things he dislikes in this world. When he's in the car, he wants to breastfeed all through the trip. But after a few major throw-up scenes (where he proceeded to throw up in torrents all over himself and Mummy, of course), we decided no more breastfeeding in a moving vehicle! So now Baba holds Ilan (who grumbles and grunts all the time while in the car) while Mummy drives. This picture was taken in Holiday Inn Penang, at 2.5 months old. Now at nearly 4 months old, he has become soo busybody/nosy about his surroundings that he takes frequent pauses just to look around, have a good laugh or grumble loudly ("Goiii! Goiiii!!").. and then continue breastfeeding as if the breast is just like a plate of meal that would constantly be there waiting for him to return to it.

Ilan lovess his fingers. Given the chance he can suck em all day. A fist is even better. He'll suck em and then have a good throw-up and a good laugh afterwards.

Bath time is another "like". He has to be bathed at least twice a day because he's a very "sticky" little guy. He sweats a lot! He only cried the first couple of days in his life when he was bathed. After that he took to the water like a baby duck.

Now at nearly 4 months old, his favourite toy is this Elephant (a give from Aunty Surya). He salivates when he sees it.. he just loves nibbling on it so. Speaking of which.. he's also starting to drool A LOT. And we think he's started teething too.

Another "like".. being taken for a walk around the house, or the house compound. He likes parks too, but getting there means he has to endure the disliked car rides. So the truth is, he's perfectly content with the garden we have at home.

So that's Ilan, three months and counting. Our colourful, cheerful, very talkative, vocal Ilan. Still so little and yet he's changed so much of our world. Even Gibran has learned to love him so. Alhamdulillah.

My Three Men

2011-12-16T23:02:00.001+08:00

One posing, one torturing, one staring at the tv.

The Forgotten Baby

2011-12-16T19:16:00.004+08:00

Yesterday morning. Walked into the room, put something into the babycot. Adoii sakit perut. In dire need of the throne!

In I went. Opened the Harry Potter book that I so enjoy as toilet reading. Wish there were more Potter potty stories being written. That would be nice to add to the potty library.

5 minutes passed...

10 minutes perhaps.

Cleaned up, sang a song while washing my hands. Dummm dee dummmmm dee doo...

Stepped out of the toilet and heard Ilan whining softlyyyyy....

Goodness me! I forgot about the baby!

It seemed that in my dire need for toilet... I'd put Ilan in the cot, and he'd been occupying himself nicely with his own fingers (chewing and chewing and sucking) and staying put well and good. Till he got bored of course.

Hah... And this, with just two kids! Imagine if I had ten! Hehhhh...

The Halloween-Themed Birthday Party

2011-12-10T00:32:00.002+08:00

It was a small gathering at our house, just my immediate family and H's. I cooked everything but cheated on the chicken (Ayamas, y'all!) and mum cooked some fried rice too. Since it costs so much to order a simple buttercake with some fancy picture on it (heh..and I happen to think our homemade cakes are better anyway because d'uh... I used to sell cakes!), I made the birthday cake and some cupcakes too.

The best part of the day was when we decorated the cake together ;) I opted for simple decorations consisting of M&M chocolates and Cadbury chocolate fingers. And of course we ended up finishing the leftover decorations!

The comot birthday boy who had not taken his bath, pictured here with his birthday cake and whatever was left of the decorative chocolates.

For some reason Mum had a beautifully rounded pumpkin sitting in the kitchen and upon seeing it, Gibran insisted on having a Halloween-themed party. So H drew a scary face on the pumpkin, making it look just like a Jack'O Lantern. I smsed the cousins (just three of them; Nabeel, Shamel and Umairah) to come in "costumes" and tadaa! ... we had our Halloween party ;) We even managed to grab some xmas candies from One Utama after Gibran's Enopi assessment class, so everything was perfect.

The Superman (Gibran), Batman (Shamel), Ghostly creature (Nabeel in a white jubah because he had just been circumsized.. came with a ghost mask!) and the Tennis Player (Umairah). They were just too cute, perfectly happy and content in their "costumes", having their very own private Halloween party.

And Batman stole the candles! Hmff..

Afterwards they had huge chunks of the overly-sweet birthday cake (marble butter cake with inches of buttercream icing, along with the M&Ms and choc fingers).. and a large candy cane each. The night became complete for Gibran as he unwrapped his one and only birthday present from SIL#1, a craft set that he completely loved.

And that was Gibran's perfect Halloween-themed birthday party.

Aren't kids easy to please? ;)

Gibran honey, I hope you'll always remember how Mummy and Baba always try to make you happy in so many ways. We may not be rich, we may have many shortcomings. But we will always always give everything that we can to you and your brother.

Brotherly Love ......

2011-12-09T20:43:00.001+08:00

.... is annoying each other or getting annoyed by one another.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Turning Five

2011-12-05T09:48:00.002+08:00

Gibran turns five today :)

Happy birthday my number one baby, my hero, my sunlight, the apple of my eye, the life-changing tidal wave of my life!

Today it's a celebration with immediate family for dinner. We're having lamb chops, potatoes, spaghetti carbonara and nasi goreng. The cake is all made and ready to be decorated. Somehow since I had kids, their birthdays are wayyyyy more special than my own.

Now I'm off to celebrate it!

The Skinny Eater

2011-12-03T20:24:00.005+08:00

We went for dim sums at Starhill for lunch today. BIL's grandaunt's treat. Gibran, being a bit "kampung" in his taste, opted for rice. So fried rice it was. He had just a small helping for his standards though.. (too much chopped spring onions for his liking).. and by "small", approximately a small plateful it was. Which to some kids would be a large helping of course. After all, he did have a couple of slices of bread with nutella and a glass of milk before leaving home.

When we came home..

Gibran: "Tengok Mummy.." (knocking his tummy with his fist) ... "boom boom boom.. Macam drum kosong. Dah masuk angin ni."
Me: "Hahhhhh,really? You hungry, baby?"
Gibran: "Yessssssss..."

So I gave him a tub of Nestle yogurt since he had not had his yogurt yet. After finishing it in a blink of an eye, he went back to his lazy pose in front of the TV and smacked his tummy again.

Gibran: "Boommmm.. Booommmmm.... Booommm.... Perut Ban dah masuk angin...."

Ceh. Drama king.

So I made some french toast and handed him the plate. He ate a few slices of it in a heartbeat, along with what seemed like a bucket of tomato ketchup. What is it with kids and tomato ketchup??

An hour later..

Sauntering into the kitchen while I was making dinner (was cooking early, at about 5pm)...

Gibran: "Boooooomm... Boooommm... Boooommmm... Perut Ban kosonggg... (smacking his tummy repeatedly again)"
Me: "Ishhhhhhh budak ni.... Cakap je la nak makan apa....."

I got him some yogurt drink and told him to have some fruits. No more big snacks. Dinner was coming soon enough. Didn't want him to spoil his dinner.

At 7-ish, there he sat, calmly finishing a large plate of penne pasta, tossed with a tomato and eggplant sauce.

At 8.30, Atam came to bring him out for an early birthday treat, and at Swensens he finished his kiddie sundae within 5 minutes and then helped H and Atam finish their sundaes as well.

And as I was tucking him into bed, I felt his ribs and wondered..

Where on earth does it all go???

The "Multiplier" Factor

2011-12-01T23:22:00.003+08:00

Read a cousin's blog just a few minutes ago. She spoke about how when a woman is happy, her happiness acts as a multiplying factor..it multiplies and basically makes everyone else in the house happier, and consequently this makes a happier household.

I am a complete believer of this fact.

When I gave birth to Gibran and Ilan, I had post-partum depression. It was not very serious the first time around..it was somewhat shallow but went on for more than a year. The second time around it was deep, serious, worrying but very brief. Once I was out of confinement, it became manageable.

The second time around, I gave serious thoughts to seeking professional help. Not because I felt like I was really going crazy. Not because I was worried about myself. Solely because I was afraid of how the depression was affecting my boys. It wasn't fair for H to bear with a constantly moody and depressed wife. It wasn't fair for Gibran to come home to a constantly crying mum. It wasn't fair for Ilan to cry for milk and have a mum who put her fingers in her ears and reluctantly fed him between her own crying bouts. I could live with the misery brewing within me. What I couldn't live with was how that misery was effecting my loved ones.

Being a mum is a huge responsibility. And what I've learned is that it isn't just the responsibility to feed, bathe, cook and wash. It is the responsibility to make the family a happy one.

The truth is I didn't grow up in a happy family. My parents are divorced, my sister and I only get along 25% of the time, and I have no real clue on how to be happy or raise a happy family. But God has blessed me with two happy boys. Even a happy husband. My boys wake up laughing every morning. Ilan, chortling and choking on breastmilk because he's trying to converse and feed at the same time. Gibran, who starts the day cuddling close to my back and slipping his small hand into mine while whispering "Good Morning Mummy....". And H, who's such a morning person that the first thing that comes out of his mouth every morning is always something that makes me laugh.

So by george I will try! I will try harder to be a multiplier of joy rather than a multiplier of blues and depression. I owe the boys that much at the very least. One day I hope they'll realise how I try. Insyaallah :)

Complex Questions!

2011-11-29T14:52:00.006+08:00

Scenario #1

Gibran: "Mummy, kenapa girl asyik suka laki hensem aje? Kenapa tak suka laki yang tak hensem?"
Me: "Huh ye ke? Girls semua suka laki hensem je ke?"
Gibran: "Ye!"
Me: "Siape cakap?"
Gibran: "Betol laa... Ban tengok girl mesti suka laki hensem."
Me: "Well, that's not necessarily true. If handsome tapi perangai buruk, how? Mesti girls tak suka laki macam tu, kan?"
Gibran: "Huh... a'ah la, betol. Tapi!!! Girl tak suka laki buruk!"
Me: "Err!!... (resorting to a dirty tactic..).. Siapa kata?? Masa Mummy kawin dengan Baba, Baba tak handsome pun! Tapi Baba baik, kan?!" (forgive me Baba!)
Gibran: "Huhhhh a'ahhh laaaa...."

Scenario #2

Gibran: (looking at an Aladdin book Baba and Gibran named "The Kiss Kiss Book" when Gibran was little because Aladdin and Jasmine kisses at the end..) "Mummy... kenapa kalau dah kawin je baru boleh tidur sama-sama?"
Me: "Huh? Errr a'ah memang lah macam tu, kalau tak kawin mana boleh tidur together. Dosa, kan. Allah kata kena kawin dulu, baru boleh tidur sama-sama."
Gibran: "Kenapa, Mummy?"
Me: "Err.... (ding ding ding!! Idea!).. sebab kalau dah kawin, baru jadi family! Kalau tak family, mana boleh tidur together. Family je boleh tidur satu katil."
Gibran: "Ohhhhh!"

Phew.

Deeeeeep breath. More coming, I'm sure.

With Kakak Lofa who complimented him that he was handsome.. reinforcing his belief that girls like handsomeness!

A Change

2011-11-27T11:45:00.004+08:00

Gibran has been changing slowly but surely since the arrival of his little brother. Some changes were good (awesome, in fact), and some are bad.

Yesterday night goes down in my book of memories as the first time he slept away from the both of us (H and myself). He took camp in his Wan's room (i.e. Mum), because the Adik has been whiny and noisy at night (due to the coughing bouts).. so I'd asked him earlier yesterday..

Me: "Do you want to sleep with Wan tonight? Yesterday night Adik was crying and coughing so badly, noone got any sleep. Mummy kesian tengok you tak tidur. You wanna sleep with Wan tonight instead?"
Gibran: "Okehhh!"

So when I went in to say good night to him, he was already cuddled in Wan's arms, happy to be in the cool, quiet room and he readily said goodnight to me and kissed me hard before I left to take Ilan to the hospital for his night-time nebulizer.

What a change. A few months back I couldn't even leave him to take a nap with Wan without him making noise about how mean I was being. Now he sleeps through the night with Wan and smilingly walks into our room in the morning, refreshed and happy, with no hard feelings whatsoever against us. Amin for that!

But of course, some good changes brings out the emotional side of this conflicted Mummy.

Sniff. My hero's growing up on me.

Readying for a solo jump and swim in the pool.

At 3 Months; Sickly Ilan

2011-11-26T17:45:00.004+08:00

Today Ilan turns 3 months old. And I didn't even remember about it until a few seconds ago because other things took precedent over that particular detail.

My little baby is down with bronchiolitis (which he got on the way back from our short trip to Penang on 18-21 nov), and he seems to be taking it quite hard :(

Ilan has always been more expressive than Gibran. Where Gibran was a quiet, suffering-in-silence kind of baby, Ilan has always tried to make his demands clear from the start. So with the blocked nose and cough, he makes it clear to everyone that he is simply miserable. He coughs like an old man (no kidding... he coughs VERY loudly.. repeatedly, over and over again till you worry that he might just end up scratching his throat..), he sneezes and goes "Haihhh!!!" after each sneeze to announce that he is unhappy, and he wails and cries when he tries to cough up his phlegm. No quiet suffering with this one. It's just heart-breaking to watch him trying to suckle or latch on with his nose blocked, mucus running down his nostrils, the coughing bouts hacking his small frame and causing him to shake in misery and frustration.

We've been taking him to Dr. J's clinic in Mutiara D'sara for nebulizer, but right now he's still chesty. Since he refuses to take his liquid meds (he's extremely good at spitting and spraying anything you try to put into his mouth), the doctor had to put him on Ventolin inhaler, as well as another steroid-based one (will update the name later, I've forgotten it). He is also on antibiotics (which he tries very hard to spit out everytime I feed it to him) to treat what looks like a slight infection of the lungs (bronchioles, in particular.. thus Bronchiolitis!); which his chest xray had shown.. yes the poor little fella was xrayed for the first time, in DSH, with me holding onto his hands while wearing that armour-like xray-protection thingy.

For all it's worth, I am thankful for the fact that it is just Bronchiolitis. And for the fact that we are surrounded by the resources we need to treat it. And I am thankful for dear Mum once again, for keeping Gibran safe and occupied while H and I go back and forth the clinics and hospital, attending to Ilan. I am also thankful for the easy-to-handle, understanding older son that I have.

When I look at Gibran I remember how things used to be exactly like this with him, and now just look.. how he's grown up, how strong he is, Alhamdulillah.. although he gets sick every now and then, he pulls through it and is such a happy kid that it is a joy being around him. And realising that, it gives me hope that one day Ilan will also be a big, strong and healthy boy just like his Abang.. despite the misery he's facing now, insyaAllah he will pull through just fine too. InsyaAllah!

Gibran and Ilan, at Holiday Inn Penang.

Bronchiolitis

2011-11-24T09:03:00.003+08:00

It's like dejavu! Now Ilan has bronchiilitis!

He was nebulized yesterday night. We'll be nebulizing him again today. At the moment he's on ventolin syrup and the usual meds. If we'd brought him to Assunta yesterday night,for sure they would've kept him admitted.

More on it later.

Abang Ban

2011-11-15T15:05:00.006+08:00

I juz realised that I haven't done an update on Gibran in ages. My bad!

In less than one month he will be 5 years old. When I look at him and compare him with Ilan, it hits me how time has passed and how much he's grown. Everything just moves too darn fast.

He is tall. Seriously. He is one of the tallest in his class, and is only a couple of inches shorter than petite-sized 8 year old Nabeel. He doesn't eat as much as I'd like him to, but he definitely eats more than most kids la I suppose. Bread and milk/milo, or cereal with tons of milk in the morning. A generous helping of rice and lauk (his favourites are still fried chicken and fishball soup) for lunch (or pasta, or noodles, or roti canai, or whatever else my Mum @ Wan cooked that day.. errmm.. for the time being Wan is the main cook because Mummy's hands are usually filled with Ilan). Fruits and milk/milo, or bread/cookies with milk for tea. Then rice/noodles/pasta/rotis for dinner again. And some fruits and/or milk for supper before bed. And still he remains stick thin, so much so that all the old folks we meet say that I don't feed him right. Hokayyy!

His bedtime on school nights is between 10 to 10.30 pm. He wakes up at 7.30 am, goes to school always in the nick of time (hahaha... because Mummy's often too sleepy in the mornings!). He's back by 12.30 pm, has his lunch and bathes and then naps after watching "The Cat in the Hat" (which finishes at 3pm). He must be forced to take a nap or else he'd be one grumpy boy by teatime. He'll nap for an hour and a half. When he wakes up, if it isn't raining I'd take him and Ilan to a park (we have many parks in the neighbourhood, and sometimes we go to nearby Tmn Tun as well). Must find an outlet for all his energy because if he doesn't use the energy up, it'd be hard to put him to bed at night. So if it rains, I have to keep him busy at home with readings and brain-exhausting activities to tire him out.

This is his last week in Mrs. M's class, and although I know he will miss her, I also know he adapts well (amazingly so!) to changes. I just pray that his next teacher is as patient and understanding as Mrs. M. Oddly enough.. the Mummy would probably miss Mrs. M more than him in the long run! Hahahaa..

He will start Enopi maths to help him improve his maths skills (because we think he'd respond better to something more fun like Enopi rather than Kumon at this point.. seeing that he's hyper and won't sit down for more than 15 seconds). Mrs. M says his reading is now good, but this is yet to be seen because he's not very responsive to me or Husband.. he won't sit down and read with us very often, or for long. So we'll see how it goes.. would probably send him for reading classes too if he needs it.

Time is passing too fast and I am gasping, sometimes drowning, sometimes panicking.. trying to grab onto whatever fragment of time that I can have some control over. But unfortunately this isn't the way life works. So here I am, with Gibran who is turning 5 in less than a month's time.. who will enter the 6 yr-old kindy class in about 7 weeks time.. and before I can even breathe or blink, he'd be in primary school. And before I knew it, he's getting so big.. sometimes I can't think of how to handle him when he becomes rude. Sometimes I don't know if what I'm doing is the right thing, the thing that will make him into a good human being. Often I am at lost, groping along as best as I can.. praying with all my might that everything that I do every day will somehow help him grow up to be a good Muslim, a good man, who will do right by God, right by his family and his life.

Yes I don't do updates as often as I should. And that's mostly because I'm grabbing onto as much memories as I can, trying to store them into this hard drive of mine (my memory). But at the same time I hope that I would still remember to write at least some down here in this blog. Because memories sometime fail you. And nothing is forever. But maybe one day the boys will read this and know that albeit my faults and shortcomings, I have tried.

I love you, my Ban boy.

The only times he'd feed himself is when we're out, or when it's dessert-time! Otherwise he still wants to be manja and wants me to suap him. Nooo hun, it's high time that habit stops..

The reason why there're so few picture of Gibran now.. is that he hides everytime we want to take pictures! (Well aside from the fact that our camera was stolen..) Oh another somehow sad thing is that he's not into Ultramen anymore.. that's now a thing of the past :( After 3 years of loving Ultramen, this "big" boy now likes Optimus Prime better because robots are for big boys.

The Unwell Brother

2011-11-07T16:04:00.003+08:00

This is a first for us so I'm blogging it.

After the Eid celebration yesterday, we thought it would be good to go out for a family breakfast before going back to the usual weekday routine on Tuesday. So we went. Then we braved the crowd at One Utama because H needed a new pair of running shorts for the upcoming Penang Marathon.. And there the trouble started. Gibran complained of being tired but his body felt fine when I laid the back of my palm against his forehead. Then he wanted to go home and nap. That in itself was odd because he's a hperactive kid that can keep going for hours on end like the energizer bunny. When we got home I tested his forehead again and this time it was heated up.

So here we are, one brother sick, one brother alright. And I'd really like to keep it that way, please Almighty.

Ilan's Demands

2011-11-04T10:49:00.006+08:00

Ilan Yusuf. What shall I say about thee....?

You are undoubtedly the most opinionated baby I have ever encountered in my life. Sometimes I wonder if it's because of the depression and hormonal problems I had when I was pregnant with you,is that what makes you the expressive little monster that you are...?

Oh don't get me wrong, Ilan. When you spit out the milk and breast that I try to feed you with in the mornings in vain hopes that you'd sleep justtttt a little while more and let me catnap too (gosh I'd been up from 6am changing you,getting abang ready for school, sending abang, cleaning you up again...bla bla la..).. And when you gurgle the milk and spray it all out on purpose and start wailing like a baby hyena, and you start cycling your legs like M. Kumaresan, straining your head and neck with clear implication that you want to be picked up, your arms flailing and demanding...

It is odd how much love I feel for you!

You noisy, red-faced, demanding little cutie-pie. You who turn my mornings upside down and make my eyes look like I'm a new breed of panda+racoon of some sort,with the whites having turned veiny red and the outer bags hanging loose and tinted a circular blue..

It's funny how irritated I am with you and yet love you so much still.

So usually I force myself awake, bring you downstairs, make myself some strong coffee and force the sleepiness away from my head. And the next thing I know, as I am sipping at my coffee, you fall into deep sleep with a senget smile on your face.

It seems that even when it comes to sleeping, you have your demands and preferences! Nak turun bawah and tukar angin, issit..?? (Want to go downstairs for a change of scenario!)

So now here we are, Ilan Yusuf. You in your deep sleep once again, me with my strongly brewed coffee, eyes and mind already wide awake..... with nothing to do.

Such is life!

Ilan berkerut-kerut in his demands.

Ilan: Two Months

2011-10-27T11:04:00.004+08:00

Yesterday Ilan turned two months old :)

Wow...two months have passed. My squishy baby doesn't look so squishy anymore. He's lengthened..he's fattened up.. He stares around with awareness.. He talks gibberish when you talk to him (the "agoos" and "awoos"!)... He kicks and cycles his legs when you carry him sitting down because he wants to be carried and walked around... He laughs when he stares at the ceiling because the fan is his best friend. He's just no longer a newborn infant that sleeps all day with little awareness of what goes on within his surroundings.

At two months old he weighs 5.8 kilos. He wears clothes for 3 months above with ease and cannot fit into his 0-3 month old clothes anymore. His size S diapers are snug (we can't even take a peak because there's no space!), so he'll be graduating to size M soon.

He took his 6-week immunisation, plus the Rotavirus immunisation... which he promptly threw up on himself, me and the doctor's floor. Since the doctor is not allowed to repeat the dosage, we're scheduled for the second Rotavirus dosage in a month's time. This time I'm going to be cruel and let him stay hungry for at least 30 minutes before he takes the immunisation. Pfft... that was an RM200 immunisation all thrown up in a huge torrent. Sigh.

He's on breastmilk and nothing else. I've tons of frozen breastmilk waiting for him in the freezer, so I'm trying to build the courage to leave him for short periods of time with his Bibik so that I can eventually return to the gym to shed some weight and strengthen the spine. He feeds well from the bottle now (after weeks of fussing about the nipple, I discovered that he would only take the same type of nipple that Gibran took as an infant! So I bought those new avent bottles for nothing when he only wants those cheapo bottles and teats!). He breastfeeds every 30 minutes to an hour, unlike Gibran who used to feed two or three-hourly. Alas, Ilan is of course his very own unique person. When he is left at home he can consume up to 10 oz. of milk within a few hours.

He doesn't get bad colic episodes like Gibran did, syukur Alhamdulillah. I give him the colic massage every time we change his diapers, so his "angin" (wind!) gets expel with loud farts every time we lift his bum after the massage ;) once in a while when he does get "windy", he's very unhappy about it. And being the expressive sort, he would wail and shriek until a burp or fart comes out and he feels relieved.

Talking about his expressive-ness.. hmm.. the boy just does not like to be put down. He likes to be carried and cuddled, and if he is not, he gets very upset. Gibran used to be easily pacified with a pacifier, but Ilan dislikes the pacifier and refuses to take it (albeit countless attempts by the tired human pacifier that is Mummy!). When I get tired I carry him in a cloth sling, but then sometimes his tummy would press against my chest and he'd puke all over me. But rather than risking back pain (which happens often with the Scoliosis), I do it anyway. When the back starts aching, I have no choice but pass him over to H or the maid.

Now, the maid. We've decided to go with Gibran's old Bibik Nila who took care of him when he was little. Although she's not so good with house chores, she's a champ with babies and kids. So I hope soon I can start going to the gym again to strengthen the spine because when Nila takes care of the kids, I don't worry as much Alhamdulillah. After all, she took care of Gibran 24/7 when I had the surgery back in 2008.

Overall Ilan is a good boy who hardly cries if his needs are met. Note: his needs must be met! When he poos, he'll complain (yes he will complain in a naggy way... he won't scream, but he'll complain and if you ignore him then he'll start wailing) until his diaper is changed. When he's hungry, he has to be fed immediately. When he's windy, he'll wail until he pukes the wind and milk out, or till he farts it all out. When he's bored, you must carry him and bring him around the house for a walk. When he's sleepy you must dodoi him to sleep. BUT if he's content, he's happy and won't cry. BIL's grandaunt is apparently telling everyone that she never hears Ilan cry and what a good boy he is (hhahahaha.. she hasn't been around when he's really hungry!!).

Although the second time around is not as easy as you might expect it to be (hahaha I frankly did not expect it to be easy at all!).. when Ilan cries himself out of a nightmare and demands a cuddle, and I'm cuddling his tubby, red-faced, masam-smelling body close and kissing his small rounded head with all my might.. there is nothing else in the world that I want to ask for at this moment of my life :)

Happy in the sling.

His favourite sleep-spot.. on Baba's thighs. Fleshy maybe? Kekeke..

Looking and nagging at Abang Ban while Gibran was on the Ipad.

Mini Concert/Presentation 2011

2011-10-22T23:58:00.006+08:00

Today was the mini concert day at Tadika D. The non-graduating classes (graduates are 6 year olds), performed class by class, so that the amount of parents in the hall at each time was controlled and organised.

Since it's so hard to find even 10 minutes for my hands to be "free" (ishhh like I have ten kids!!) .. I'll let the pictures do most of the talking.

Getting his outfit adjusted by Mama Long before going down to the hall from the classroom. No mood to take pictures! He's at that phase of his life where he dislikes dislikes dislikes posing for pictures. Dunno why.

The typical face he makes everyytime we try to take a picture of him!

Then his best buddy Erfan came to join in the picture fun and he starts perking up a little.

And soon the whole gang had joined in and he became picture-happy!

Mrs. M giving a snippet about what they were going to perform.

Looking nervous and excited at the same time, while waiting for his performance to start.

At this point I was pretty nervous, wondering whether he'd cooperate and perform, or stiffen up and refuse to cooperate!

Starting to loosen up his nervousness because some technical problems with the music speakers were tickling his fancy.

Now that's him doing all the actions while reciting the Indian poem they'd memorized so painstakingly for months!!

And after the class finished their performance, the parents were called in to join in the Banghra dance led by a very sporting Mrs. M ;)

Showing me a particular art work of his on display (one out of the many!). The teachers had spent days getting the classroom in tiptop shape with all the children's art work displayed for our inspection. It was good to see all they'd done, all the fun they must've had doing such crafts in school.

Mrs. M took pictures with lots of kids that day, but when I came to ask her for a snapshot with Gibran, she hugged him and loudly exclaimed; "Now this is my very special hero!".. that's why Gibran had that funny expression on his face in the photo. Too bad someone bumped into me and the picture became a lil blurry! We'll miss you next year, Mrs. M. Although you handle the children with a very firm hand, the children love you because they sense the goodness and love for children that you have in you. Thank you for being patient and understanding with my hyper little darling! When Ilan's time comes we hope you'd still be around.

And that was Gibran's first school mini concert :)

I'm so proud of you, Gibby Baby. You don't like crowds and public displays. Yet you stuck through today's performance and.. to me, you shone.

The Spikey Hair Tale

2011-10-15T10:31:00.008+08:00

For some reason Shamel really fancies a gangster character named Tumulak from a movie titled "Kongsi".

Here's what Tumulak looks like..

Shamel thinks Tumulak is so cool that he does his hair up to look like Tumulak all the time.

He even wants to wear jackets all the time to be like Tumulak. But having a nagging Mama (you can hear sister's voice a mile away as she shrieks "What are you thinking, Shamel? This is a hot country and you want to wear jacket to play dekat garden?!!! Merepek!!!"), he gives in sulkily and made do with just the Tumulak hair.

Then Shamel also discovered that the Tumulak actor also acted in a role named 'Arman'. And so we discovered that Shamel was indeed fan of the actor carrying these roles (actor Shaheizy Sam). From then onwards, Shamel wanted to be called 'Tumulak' or 'Arman'.. according to his mood.

So when Ilan Yusuf came home with spiked up baby hair, Shamel grandly announced..

"Ini macam Tumulak dengan Arman. Shamel nak panggil nama dia 'Arman'!"

And there was no convincing him otherwise. Ilan is 'Arman' to Shamel.

Everytime Shamel sees Ilan he will shiver in excitement and come running at top speed towards Ilan (prompting his Mama to start shrieking in panic). He'd kiss Ilan's hair repeatedly and would bury his nose in the hair for as long as we would allow it, all the while whispering to me; "Ini 'Arman', tauuuu?"

He's not the only one who loves Ilan's hair. Gibran kisses the hair as much as possible everyday. Recently he gave the hair one longggg sniff, and suddenly shocked us with an excited yell.

Me: "What on earth???"
Gibran: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GERAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! Nak curi rambut dia!!!!"
Me: "Huh? And put where?"
Gibran: "Jadikan macam rambut palsu la! Ban boleh pakai... Shamel boleh pakai... take turn la!!"

Eep. Like that also can??

So I never, ever left Ilan alone with those two boys. For fear they'd find a way to "steal" Ilan's hair.

But! Alas. Baba wants to shave Ilan's hair this weekend :(

Boohoohoo. We'll miss you, spikey baby hair.

The Fish Pond Episode

2011-10-01T15:08:00.003+08:00

This happened a few weeks ago, about two weeks after I gave birth to Ilan and the first week we were back in our own home (forgot if I mentioned it but we spent the first week of confinement in my sister's home in KD, then we went back to our home in DU).

Our routine while I was in confinement was (is! seeing that I'm still in the last leg of this confinement thingy!) to wake up at 7am, and I'd get Gibran ready for school (bathe and feed him, give him his asthma inhalers and meds), then after waving Gibran off to school (Dad or H or SIL#1 would send him to school as I was not allowed to drive during confinement) I would change Ilan's diaper (Ilan's last diaper change is at 10.30 pm, then we go to bed, then he gets changed again at 4am, then his regular morning-poo time is 7.30 am) and then by 8.30 am its nap time for him again. I'd nap with him as much as I can till 11 am, then I'd give him a bath, have a bath myself, have brunch and wait for Gibran to come back from school.

One day I came out of the room to hear some sort of commotion going on downstairs. Mum was in the bathroom chattering loudddly with Gibran, and Dad was losing his top and nagging away to God knows who.

Me: "What's going on down there..??!"
Dad: "Tak tau lah! Budak-budak ni taknak dengar cakap! I told them not to go to the fish pond, diorang taknak dengar! Habih Gibran jatuh dalam fish pond!!!"
Me: "Hahhhh??"

But my SuperMum said she had it under control. Soon Gibran was freshly bathed and dressed. The story varied from person to person (from Dad to Shamel to Gibran and back to Dad again.. you get the picture) and version to version.

My friend Jaan called within minutes to tell me what had happened.

It seems that Gibran and Shamel bumped into Ayden (Jaan's kid) downstairs at Tadika D and decided to have a bit of fun that day. They ran off from their Atuk, went to the hut beside the fish pond and played around, all the while jumping here and there. Somehow Gibran slipped (the area around the fish pond gets slippery sometimes) into the fish pond. He was wet from knee down. He got up, climbed up and out of the pond.. and then lo and behold... Shamel decided to have a bit of mischief and pushed Gibran right back into the pond! And this time Gibran completely lost his footing, fell entirely into the pond and was soaked from head to toe. Dad lost his wits (and temper!) and started shouting away, and he went into the pond to retrieve the soaking Gibran. Dad nearly fell in himself because the base of the pond was covered with algae.

Alas, we're just thankful that Gibran didn't get hurt (imagine if he'd hit his head on a rock or something!!! Allah have mercy!). Shamel got a good lecturing from Dad, Mum and myself (and when he got home later his Mama gave him a good nagging and spanking). Gibran wasn't spared either, I nagged at him for defying his grandfather and his Baba expressed his disappointment as well.

Since that pond session, Gibran's cough is still ongoing (he got a new bout of cough because of the wet clothes which his Atuk forgot to change!).

And just so you know, out of all five of my parents' grandchildren (all five were/are at Tadika D), Gibran has now set the record as the first and only one who has ever fallen into Tadika D's fish pond!

Ilan's First Cough

2011-09-30T20:00:00.002+08:00

Five weeks old and he caught a cough. Unfortunate! But c'est la vie..

He's not feeding as often as he usually does, so I have to resort to pumping when milk supply reaches engorging point. So now there's about 20-30 oz. of milk in the freezer, with a lot more in the fridge. I give some to Gibran, but the older fella grumbles and says "Ini susu baby laaa! Tak sedapppp..". He says it tastes like low fat milk without the sweetness. Huh.. picky picky. So unfortunately some of the milk did end up going down the drain.. :( I know I know...liquid gold..

He's got a dry-sounding cough but he coughs SO hard (very loud) that it scares us sometimes. Sounds as if he's got a dry/itchy throat (doesn't sound phlegmy) but every so often he'd let out a bout of cough that has us picking him up quickly and cuddling him close, to ease his cough.

Hope he'll be better soon. InsyaAllah.

Good Morning Ilan.. (at 11pm)

Gibran and Ilan; The First Month

2011-09-30T18:25:00.003+08:00

Gibran has been very accepting of Ilan's presence in our lives. He is tolerant of Ilan even when Ilan wakes up in the middle of the night shrieking for milk, or when the lights in the room are switched on for Ilan's diaper change. He loves kissing Ilan's lalang-like spiky hair and he doesn't do hurtful things to Ilan. We were initially worried about possible jealousy, but so far there isn't any sign of it (Alhamdulillah). When I put Gibran down for his evening nap and Ilan isn't there, he'd ask about Ilan and even ask if Ilan is alright. Oftentimes when I'm sleepy I'd put Gibran on my left, Ilan on my right. Ilan would breastfeed (with me facing my right side, feeding while laying down), and Gibran would cuddle against my back and snore away. All in all, so far Abang Ban has been a good big brother, praise Almighty!

Sniffing on Ilan's soft spikes and claiming; "Hmmmmm... smells goooooood.."

Keeping an eye on a napping Ilan while doing homework.

Giving Ilan his very first bottle of expressed breast milk. All the while asking "Dah habis ke ni? Dah ke?" ... we wondered why he kept asking that and told him to hold Adik tight, then when Adik was done he finally announced; "Phuihhhh! Berat laaa dia tu!".. while stretching the arm he used in supporting Ilan's weight ;D

Combing Ilan's hair after a morning diaper change.

Ilan's Health: Month One

2011-09-29T14:46:00.010+08:00

Ilan turned one month on 26 September :)

Weight: 4.67 kgs.

The second week he got rashes from being too wrapped up in the hot weather during Raya, but a good dose of talcum powder managed to dry up the area and got rid of the rashes. After that I got some liquid talc for prickly heat from the paed, and that was that. Problem solved.

Then we noticed his belly button is shaped funny. It juts out and didn't seem normal. The paed confirmed our worry; it's an umbilical cord hernia. How odd is life? Gibran had a hernia, and now Ilan has a hernia too. No, we're told, it's not genetics.. just coincidences. I don't have a picture of the hernia, but this is how it generally looks like..

*Picture frm web.

On the hernia matter, we've been advised to wait until Ilan is bigger and has built a stronger immune system before opting to send him for the surgery to correct the hernia.

Then there's the fact that his eyes just won't stop tearing. Initially the paed advised to wait and see, because most infants have watery eyes and they usually subside as their tear ducts mature. But eventually it got worse and his eyes started caking, making it difficult for him to open his eyes. So the paed prescribed eye drops. After a couple of days, the eyes are looking better now.

And then now at 5 weeks old...

It seems he's caught a cough :(

Gibran caught his first cold at around two months. It's been so long since we have a newborn with a cough, I'm unsure of what to do. So for the time being, we're just monitoring his cough and trying to make him more comfortable by rubbing his chest with vicks.

Be strong my little sunshine.. Mummy's trying to give you all the goodness you can get from comfort feeding and constant cuddling.

Introduction: Ilan

2011-09-20T20:06:00.004+08:00

Vital stats at birth: 48 cm length (height!), 3.11 kilograms.

Current weight (weighed at Dr. Junina's clinic last week): 4.2 kilograms. The milk monster syndrome has affected him greatly and positively.

He's a fan of lights on. Lights out make him restless. Thus his love to sleep in a brightly lit room, with the TV on and activities/people around him. Night time brings out the curiousity in him, and he sometimes like to "roam" at night. Hmm.. meaning he wants Mummy to pick him up and roam around the room with him in the middle of the night.

He seldom cries, praise Almighty, but when he does, it gets ugly. He cries when he poos. He hates pooing for some reason. He likes to poo with the diaper off, when Mummy's lifting his bum to put on the diaper rash cream. That's when he lets go of some major wind, along with some very high-velocity poo that sometimes sprays all over the place.

He gets tensed when the three boys are around him. Namely Gibran, Nabeel and Shamel all at once. One of them at a time is alright, but when all three are surrounding him and smothering him with kisses and shrieks of "Babyyyyyyyyyyyyy babyyyyyyyy!!".. he gets veryy bothered and would refuse to sleep or feed. Which results eventually in over-stimulating himself.. which would later make him exhausted and grumpy, then he'd cry in anger, inhale/snort in too much wind (he snorts a lot when he cries)... which would bring on the colic. He's not too bad at colic though (praise Almighty!), he's pretty much a good-natured kid who stops crying when he feels better and doesn't demand for much when he's already cleaned and fed.

All in all, he's been a good man :)

And that's what his name means. His name, ILAN, is an old Arabic name (from Hebrew origin) that means "a good man".

Alhamdulillah, he's progressing well.

Watching an excitable Abang Ban.

At 3 and a half weeks, he can roll already!

Maid Drama

2011-09-19T20:07:00.003+08:00

The maid came back today. Though very much surprised, I don't feel any happiness, anger or resentment. Just relief for one and only one reason; that my mum doesn't have to slave around in the kitchen anymore (as she refused to let me do the bulk of kitchen chores because of the confinement).

And now it seems that our old maid (the one that took care of Gibran for two years) has decided to come back here to work, leaving us with the question of.. do we take her back or do we stick with the current one that we have..?

Let me lay out the facts here.

Fact: The current maid is slow, she does everything at snail-pace but she does them thoroughly. The house is clean and she is quite hygienic (for their standards). She is however very forgetful, to the point of being annoying. And although she likes Gibran and Gibran is comfortable with her, she isn't very good with handling babies. In fact, she's afraid to handle the baby.

Fact: The old maid is quicker, finishing chores quickly but not always thoroughly. Her hygiene constantly needs reminding and improving (in fact I remember finding hair in Gibran's baby bottle years ago). But she is good with kids, she handles babies and kids with ease and even took care of Gibran 24/7 when I had my second spinal surgery back in '08.

So which one would be the right person for us..?

Honestly..

When it comes to maid issues, in my opinion there is no such thing as a blessing. Maid issues are "leceh" (troublesome), time-consuming, and oftentimes emotion-wasting. Sometimes I envy people who do not have to deal with maid issues. For the time being I am stuck with the reality that having a maid is a hard-swallowed necessity for us at the moment.

The Mum I Hope To Be

2011-09-16T18:36:00.005+08:00

It's day 21 and day 10 without a maid. So some people have been asking us (in an incredulous tone) how we've been getting along.. well... guess what? We're getting along just fine, praise Almighty :)

Of course it hasn't been a walk in the park. Despite the pantang/"confinement" period, I'm also handling Gibran everyday (bathe him, feed him, do homework, reading, asthma medications, the usual bla bla..), doing the laundry, dishes and countless other house chores (minus the heavy ones like cooking, vacuuming and mopping which Mum and H refuse to let me do). But thanks to my SuperMum, life is very much bearable.

Mum helps make our breakfast, lunch and dinner. She insists on hanging and ironing the laundry. She keeps me company and keeps me grounded and sane.

It's no wonder that when asked "Whom should I honour most?". Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) replied; "Your mother." "And who comes next?" he was asked again.. The Prophet replied; "Your mother." And again he was asked; "And who comes next?".. and again The Prophet replied; "Your mother!" And finally, when asked yet again; "And who comes next..?".. finally The Prophet had replied; "Your father".

Mothers are indeed special people who should always hold a special place in life, MasyaAllah!

Whether the maid returns or not, one thing is for certain. If this situation has taught me anything more, it has enforced within me a strong sense of certainty that no matter what happens, I shall always strive to treat my mother better in every aspect that I can.

And in watching her I am also certain that one day I hope to be every bit of the Mum that she has been to me, I hope I can give something so significant to my children so much so that they know how much they mean to me and InsyaAllah, so that they will remember me fondly for it. Amen!

New Things Since Ilan

2011-09-10T11:42:00.003+08:00

Just a quick one to update on anything and everything that's "new".

We had some nice raya pictures taken on raya morning. Forced myself to get up and hurry up (mind you, it was only day 4 after the cesarean), shaved my legs (heehheeee... yes yes too much info, no?), put on make-up and baju raya (the sort with bling bling beads on it, y'all), and proceeded to act like a dictator instructing H and Gibran to smile into the camera for the first ever raya picture of the four of us. Got some real good shots too... only to realise that our camera has gone missing on the third day of raya. Too many people (including strangers from around my sister's housing area) walking in and out of the house. God knows when the camera got lost, but it is. Lost. Along with our first raya pictures of the four of us together.

Gibran was showered with so many raya angpau packets that he's learned a new phrase from his loud-mouthed cousins.. "SAYA KAYA! SAYA KAYA!!"... is shouted everytime he opens the drawer to check on his stash of green angpau packets. Much to mine and H's shock and chagrin, I assure you. Henceforth we tried to give short lectures of how richness and money do not bring good things in the hereafter, nothing does except for good deeds, to which the not-so-little-fella would pay attention to for about 5 minutes.. only to open the drawer again and put on a loud-speaker kind of booming voice announcing yet again.. "SAYA KAYA! SAYA KAYA!". Sigh.

We came back to our own home after spending five days at sister's house, only to be bestowed with a new challenge of sorts; the maid's family. They called with sob stories of the maid's dying husband (first they said he was dead, then they changed the story to him being critically ill and in need of her attention.. you get the picture), pleading for her to come home immediately, making remarks that imply we have no sympathy in our blackened hearts and souls for their poor, poor souls. Sickened by the manipulations of these Indon drama-makers, H and I handed the maid her passport and gave her a choice to leave or stay, so long as she tells her relatives to stop calling (ever. FOREVER. never to call here again. Period.) and to leave us the heck alone. In the end H sent her to Port Klang to take the ferry, on my 10th day of confinement, and here we are.. maidless, exhausted to the bones, but thankful to Allah nonetheless for the good things we still have to hang on to. I've taken in my previous cleaning lady to help us with the chores, and good ol' Mum has volunteered to stay here to help with the kids while H is at work. Thank Allah indeed for Mum and a compassionate cleaning lady.

And so, on the slightly "down"side, there's the slight post-partum depression I am experiencing at the moment, probably resulting from the unexpected chain of events that had happened after Ilan's birth. I'd like to think that it's not as severe as when it came after Gibran's birth, but it's still challenging in its own way as it affects my mood in unpredicted ways. InsyaAllah, having a supportive husband and mother help tremendously, so I hope this'll diminish in time, with minimal effects on any of us (especially Gibran, please Allah).

All in all, not your dream confinement.. not what we expected or hoped for, for Ilan to be brought into our lives with sudden (though trivial) challenges and emotional ups-and-downs. But who are we to curse what fate brings us..??

My dearest younger son,

Life isn't always kind to us, things don't always go the way we want them to. Things around us seem to be full challenges and emotional tides right now, but this is life and we can't run away from it. And I happen to think that it's fantastic that life is showing its raw, true colours to you, even now in your early days.. because remember son, this is something Mummy really believes in; what won't kill us would make us stronger. InsyaAllah, Amin.

Sleepless Heroines

2011-09-04T15:06:00.003+08:00

Know who I truly admire? Women who take motherhood in stride like it's the easiest thing in the world, with no real complaints and/or grudges.

I on the other hand, grudge people their sleep.

The hardest thing I had to get used to when we had Gibran nearly 5 years ago was the lack of sleep. And the same goes for this time around.

I have a few mummy-friends who think mummies who complain about the tiredness and sleeplessness that come with motherhood are "queens" or "princesses".. (Malay translations: "Permaisuri" and "Tuan Puteri").. so go ahead, sue me, call me a Permaisuri or a Tuan Puteri.

I can handle the confinement, I can handle the boring food, the messy poo, the cries of a demanding baby wanting boobies. I can handle mostly anything, but I handle lack of sleep poorly. In my case a happy mummy is a mummy with a good night's rest.

But what to do what to do. Indeed that's the package that comes with having a newborn baby.

Ilan lovesss sleeping during the day. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't whine at night but he just doesn't sleep as fitfully at night as he does during the day. The result; a grumpy mummy.

Shaggy messaged me on FB the other day, saying that she misses having squishy babies. Her babies aren't so small and squishy anymore. I told her the truth. I've never been a fan of the squishy-baby stage. Give me a toddler who can walk, eat and talk and I'll have an awesome ball.

So sue me already! :p

I love kissing my lalang-haired Ilan (straight, spikey hair that moves when the wind blows.. just like how Gibran's was when he was little and had straight hair!).. I love the way he stares at me with utter innocence and the way his lips pucker up when he's pooing. But a part of me can't help admitting that I can't wait for him to grow up a little faster, to reach that part of babyhood that doesn't cost so much lack of sleep.

Told ya to sue me!

Then one day he'll come to the part of being a kid just like his Abang Ban is; independent, opinionated, hillarious and unbelievably smart about things.

And then I will once again be the Mummy who wishes time would slow down and my squishy baby wouldn't grown up too darn quickly.

Who says mummies aren't conflicted?

The Birth of Ilan Yusuf

2011-09-01T21:02:00.003+08:00

It was supposed to be just another checkup. For my 37th week. The doc did say that I shouldn't eat anything heavy that morning before coming in for the checkup, and to pack a bag, just in case. Noone was really seriously considering it to be a day of possible birth.. we had plans for the weekend, we had plans for Raya, and even the doctor had stressed that the c-sect date set for the 5th of September was tentatively confirmed.

The past few weeks had been quite hard. I felt heavy, with pains all over my body specifically the lower abdomen and back area. I blamed it on lack of exercise (I'd stopped going to the gym three weeks back because exercising had becoming too much of a painful chore) and assumed that this pregnancy was simply a little more difficult than the first.

When the doctor scanned me, the baby moved in a way common to me. He seemed to stretch himself across my abdoment, causing pain on my lower abdomen and lower back area.

Then much to my surprise, the usually composed and soft-spoken Professor Azurah asked me in a firm and quizzical tone; "How often does this happen?" ..referring to the stretched-looking baby across my abdomen.

"Ohh.. very often. At least a few times in an hour, every day. At least for the last one month, if I recall correctly." I said.

And then she said; "Okay. This is a contraction."

Really?! I swear I couldn't believe it! I mean.. I'd never had a natural birth. Never knew what a contraction felt like. And because (praise Allah) I have a high threshold of pain, I didn't feel that the pain the "stretchings" (a.k.a. contractions!) was too much to bear.

What happened after that seemed like a whirlwind to me.

They monitored the baby's heartbeat for 30 minutes. And in that 30 minutes I had five contractions. A pelvic exam showed that I wasn't dilated and the baby was still high up, but that meant little because Gibran had stayed very high up till week 40 when he was brought out.

The next thing I knew I was admitted into the ward, prepared for a c-sect, and brought down to the OT. By 2.40 p.m.the baby was out.

H was in the OT the whole time. The doctor said it was not an easy c-sect because of all the scar tissue from the first c-sect, and because (this one was a shocker to us) the contractions had caused my womb to be so thin that it was at point of rupture. Had we waited a few days or even hours, the womb would've ruptured, baby could've died and .. well, lets not go there. Yikes.

MasyaAllah, praise God for everything that turned out well in the end!

Ilan was as blue as Gibran was when they pulled him out. They extracted the phlegm, cleaned him up faster than you can say "quick!", warmed him up under the heater, attached him to the c-pap machine (as his oxygen saturation level was only at a horrifying 20%) for a couple of hours... and then, Syukur Alhamdulillah!.. announced him as normal and healthy as a newborn baby can be.

At least our decision to give birth in a big hospital this time around was the right one. Praise Almighty. Words just escape me. If we hadn't been in a big hospital with the specialists and equipment right there at point of birth.. the baby could've taken a turn for the worse, just like Gibran did when he was born.

After two nights we were discharged and sent home to celebrate Raya at my parents' house.

And that was the story of how Ilan Yusuf came to join the brood :)

Our New Arrival

2011-08-29T12:03:00.005+08:00

On Friday 26th August, at 2.40 p.m., we welcomed our second son, Ilan Yusuf.

It was an utterly world-rocking and ground-breaking event filled with drama and surprises. Some awesome, some not awesome.

Since my laptop is running out of battery, I can't talk much about it at this point! But here's the first picture of when Gibran Zayd met Ilan Yusuf.

Getting a brother is sort of like getting a new toy!

I think the little one likes his brother too :) Insyaallah.

The Ups and Downs

2011-08-18T12:02:00.004+08:00

I realised that Gibran has been sick quite often ever since he started kindy. People say that that's alright, his body's building up immunity. Gosh, if I'd counted ALL the flus and fevers and coughs that he'd had since he was little, he's oughta be SuperKid by now.

Still I am very very thankful for the healthy days. He's a normal kid and that counts a LOT to me. Normal enough to have learned to swim without trouble. Swim well enough to be snorkeling too! Normal enough to be one of the fastest runners in his class (hyper activeness plus long legs... need I say more?). Normal enough to have ice-cream and cold drinks every few days (that's more than what I can say about my own childhood where cold drinks / ice-creams were limited because of my own weak chest). Normal is a big deal that is often overlooked.

Yesterday I came across an article that says if a child has too many ear infections in the course of a year, it might be because he/she has underlying immunity problems. This year itself Gibran has had three ear infections caused by his runny/blocked nose. So you bet that article worried me a little.

Then there's the practically-constantly runny nose, the somewhat-constant nocturnal cough and the fevers he gets at least once a month.

Just in the past one month he's missed about two weeks worth of kindy. Don't even ask how we feel about it. I for one am not the type to stress over a few days of missed school, but two weeks? That's quite a bit. And not as if the fees is cheap, y'all (ha ha ha.. *cynical laugh*).

And lets not forget the lumps (there was only one lump before, but now the new doctor has discovered a second lump on his lymph nodes) that have been tested by Dr. Aw. They're still there.

We're seeing a new paed now that Dr. Aw in DU has retired and Dr. Mary in Assunta is constantly swamped with patients. Dr. J seems like a competent doctor, and Gibran seems to like her. Her advice? Nothing to worry about yet. For now, we wait and see.

Looking at him right now at this moment, fever already broken and practically gone, laughing away at "Imagination Movers" (because he thinks everything on Disney Junior is too funny and immature for his now mature-self.. as if!).. it's hard to think about whatever shadows that might be lurking in the unknown darkness.

My SuperKid.

The Love Issue

2011-08-15T11:28:00.003+08:00

Once when we were hanging out at home about a month ago, Gibran suddenly said..

Gibran: "Mummy tau tak, Nabeel kata bila Mummy dah ada baby baru nanti, mesti Mummy tak sayang Ban dah."

Me: "What?? Nabeel said that??! What a mean, mean thing to say. Mummy would always love you no matter what. You're my number one hero. Whatever happens you will always be hero number one. Baby will be hero number two because dia anak Mummy yang nombor dua. If kita ada baby lagi nanti it will be hero or heroine number three pulak. Kan?!"

Gibran: "Ye Mummy...."

And the other day when H's friend Chip came for Iftar at our place with his first son, two-year old Imran, I kissed Imran goodnight as I was taking Gibran up to bed. An exhausted Gibran was at that time in H's arms, being carried upstairs. He whispered something to H that had H hugging and comforting him. When we reached upstairs..

Baba: "Tell Mummy what you said, baby."

Gibran shook his head and buried his head into H's shoulder.

Baba: "It's okay baby, Mummy's not gonna get mad."

Me: "What is it baby? Are you alright..?"

Gibran (peeking at me from his Baba's shoulder): "Mesti Mummy dah tak sayang Ban, kan?"

Me: "What?? Why are you saying that??"

Baba: "Is it because Mummy kissed Imran...?"

And Gibran continued hiding his face into H's shoulder.

Me: "Baby? It's ok, we won't be mad whenever you're being honest with us. You can tell us anything and everything, okay baby? Is it really because Mummy kissed Imran goodnight..?"

Gibran nodded his head while not saying anything. So H put him on my lap and I gave him a good cuddle.

Me: "I told you, no matter what I will always love you sooooo much, kan? I even love you whenever you're naughty. And you are the number one hero, remember that! Ok baby?"

More nods, with sparkling teary eyes.

I hope he'll be okay when his brother comes.

At Ayden's bday party with his closest friends and Mummy's mummy-pals.

After the Self-Declared Holiday

2011-08-08T17:56:00.004+08:00

Gibran missed school the whole week last week. Ayden's birthday party was on the Saturday before that (30th july) and Gibran swam and swam and swam with Nabeel's snorkeling gear (he's the only one in the group who can swim well enough to wear the gear at the adult pool, hence he was the one conquering it).. and I think he must've swallowed too much pool water or something because that night he started coughing and wheezing, complete with a runny nose and a slight fever. The mild fever continued till Wednesday night, the runny nose till today and the cough still comes at night. Thursday he stayed home so that I could monitor his temperature to make sure the fever was well and truly gone.. and then Friday I had caught a milder version of his bug and was too exhausted to send him to school. So the fella had a whole week of self-declared holiday.

The sad thing is that he wasn't around when the school took their class pictures. Mrs. M had informed me that the school allocated the whole week for them to take the picture and the picture was to be taken on the day when the number of absentees is lowest... and that was unfortunately on Thursday. She told the camera man to wait till Friday but majority wins lah, what to do. She did assure me that the camera man promised to photoshop Gibran into the class picture..hehehe.. frankly, I find the whole idea somewhat funny but pitiful. Just lousy luck that he was ill during picture-taking week.

Today (Monday 9/8) felt so blue, so blah and it was so hard for me to drag my bulky weight out of bed and wake Gibran out for school, but I did it. He was a darling, cooperative as usual, but yawning all the way. Obviously the two of us had gotten used to sleeping in till at least 9.30 am.

After I dropped him off at school, I chose to come back home to rest rather than drag my bulk to the gym or to hang out with the other mummies. As I was replying to some emails.. it hit me that it was the first time in more than a week that there was absolutely noone to bug me with unending questions and pleas for me to come and play.

And.. hooboy....

It was such a miserably silent morning.

I had the house all to myself, a few hours to do whatever I want without worrying about an excitable, chatty four year-old.. and all I could think of was how empty this house and this life is without him!

For the thousandth time I found myself wishing that we could force time to stand still and let our babies be babies forever. Wishful thinking, I know..

Caffeine Kid

2011-08-07T11:42:00.004+08:00

When I was carrying Gibran, I couldn't stand caffeinated drinks. The smell of coffee made me nauseous, the taste of tea made me feel like throwing up, the metallic after taste of cola drinks made me feel like I'd eaten metal rust. So the whole nine months I stuck to mostly water, and some juices and cordials to cut the nausea when needed. I was working on a free trade coffee campaign in Melbourne at that time, and I remember wishing with all my might while watching customers taste-test the coffee blends, that I could have had a taste without going "bluek!!" and shocking the customers out of the door. Hehh. So there I was going about in my first trimester looking and feeling like a zombie for lack of caffeine.

Most people said it was excellent that I didn't drink coffee during the pregnancy. The baby was going to have good skin and good temperament.

Good skin... err. Gibran's skin is as sensitive as mine and H's, he can have scars up to months whenever he gets mozzie bites. He gets eczema on his scalp if I shampoo his hair with anything other than Eubos, and he gets heat rash on his neck just like I do when the weather is particularly hot.

Good temperament.. well, he's always been a good baby, easy to handle, a gem when it comes to taking medicine and treatments. He was sick so often as an infant that he got so used to taking any meds without trouble. You can give him his inhaler or neubiliser while he's asleep and he won't budge. You can wake him up for a tepid bath or a suppository in the middle of the night and he won't do anything more than cry just a little. If there is a kid that we feel relieved handling when he is sick, that would be him. Alhamdulillah for that.

But when people see how hyper he is, the way he can't sit still for more than a few seconds, and how he could run and run and run nonstop just like a tasmanian devil on the loose.. I lost count of how many people have asked....

"So active!!! Did you drink a lot of caffeine when you pregnant with him...??"

Hahhh. Just goes to show how valid some "scientific theories" are. The only person who wasn't surprised at all to see Gibran's hyperactiveness (from the start) was good ol' Mum. She'd just sit back and tell stories about how I was exactly like Gibran when I was little and how I used to climb the house entrance grilles, the window sills, the sofas and tables in the house, and how she wouldn't gain even an ounce of weight for five years after having me because she was always chasing me around like a headless chicken. Hehe.

So... I think genetics and hereditary elements might just be stronger factors compared to.. "scientific" theories and suggestions.

This time around although the nausea is equally bad, the appetite and nausea-creating factors are entirely different. Juices didn't work at killing the nausea and water made me feel like puking (in the first 20 weeks).

And coffee and tea still taste good :)

In the mornings when I breakfast at home, I'd make that one cup of coffee of the day, sit down and savour every single sip like it's liquid gold. And when I have breakfast outside after the gym sessions, I'd order a nescafe ais or nescafe suam, and sit there ignoring the conversations around me while I slowly sip on my precious cuppa.

Surprisingly, the baby doesn't seem to be responding in a "hyper" way after the morning cuppa. If memory serves me right, Gibran used to get hyper in the tummy just when I'd had a single kueh or cupcake.

So is there hope that this one would be tamer despite the mummy's caffeine habit?

Hahaha...

Oh well, one can hope! I guess we'll see in half a year or so.

Vitamin R

2011-07-31T18:30:00.004+08:00

Mrs. M tries hard with the kids in her class. Some other classes don't get homework yet. Since March, Gibran has had homework nearly on a daily basis. Nothing difficult, nothing extreme (thank goodness!), just a couple or few pages of writing or reading.

Now Mrs. M is trying hard to teach her kids to read. Gibran isn't the sort of kid to sit still for long periods of time, but Mrs. M is the first to admit that Gibran is like a strange sponge.. he'd be doing other things that interest him, but then when asked about the topic the class was on, he'd know exactly where they're at.

They use the phonics method in Tadika D, and Gibran has a reading book for him to practice reading. He still doesn't like to sit and focus for long. When you ask him to spell things out he'll say.. "Errrrrr... t-a-b... mad!"... like on purpose, trying to irritate you. Once in a blue moon when he does focus, everyone gets amazed at how well he can actually put the letters together and make sense of the words. Once Mrs. M realises this "selective" focus that Gibran has, she tries harder to read with him after school (whenever I'm late fetching him).

Then lately she has been recommending to us for Gibran to read more at home. "Giving him more Vitamin R would be good," she said.

FYI, Vitamin R = reading.

Not that we don't try. We do, but maybe we didn't try hard enough and he wasn't ready enough before this. He'd refuse to cooperate for more than 5 minutes, then he'd get upset, and then we'd get upset. Hmff...

Anyway...

I figured I HAVE to find a way to try harder. Maybe there is a better way to do this.

So I went to MPH and bought this.

I dislike Peter and Jane. I remember learning to read using their books and thinking how boring they were. But hey, I started reading at 3+ years old. Good ol' Mum must've done something right, eh?

Well, no harm in trying. But!... my boy isn't me..

So, following impulse I bought a Transformer beginner story book, seeing that Optimus is still his idol since watching the third movie recently.

Once I got home, I laid down the reading rules.

He has to spend at least 15 minutes with me everyday, reading Peter and Jane and the phonics reading book provided by the school. If he does this, he will get a new Transformer book (or any book that he wants from MPH) every Friday of the week.

So is it working...?

I'll let you know in a month's time. InsyaAllah.

His First School Trip

2011-07-30T00:01:00.003+08:00

No pictures, which sucks! But I suppose the best pictures are the ones you keep in your head ;)

8 a.m. arrival time, bag packed with goodies to sustain his always-munchy stomach (prompting Mrs. M to say; "This fella is going on a picnic!"), good morning towel, spare clothes and a hat at the ready... and off he went with some quick waves shoo-ing me to leave as he excitedly turned his back and walked off to the hall for (yet another!) briefing session for his first ever school trip.

I actually stayed for the short briefing session given by Mrs. M in class while waiting for all the kids to arrive. All the while with Gibran periodically glancing my way with a proud, satisfied smile on his face, so proud of himself and his friends on their first journey without mummies and babas. By the time Mrs. M asked them to get their bags and line up so that they could move on to the hall (the meeting point before embarking the buses), he was already happily waving me away. So.... away I went to wait for my fellow mummy friends who weren't waved away by their kids and still wanted to wait till their kids are safely in the buses.

So I sat out there with Jaan (Ayden's mummy who's been one of my partners in crime since our kids' playschool days), and watched the buses arriving to take our little chickadees away. Big buses like those given to large tour groups. A.k.a. bas persiaran, u know? Slowly they came crusing to the front of Tadika D... and wow. I counted 7 buses!

Seven bas persiaran for their trip to Ostrich Wonderland. How many kids were really going..??? Hundreds, that's how many. Each class has about 15 to 20 kids, ranging from 4 to 6 year olds, there are about 6 to 10 classes for each age group.. well, forget the math, really. Then there are the teachers. Each class was assigned two teachers. Not for the first time, I wondered if they can handle the kiddies on the loose.

I needn't have worried. Each teacher carried check lists a mile long, name lists and such. Every step was planned and perfectly executed. Meet in class and have short briefing, assign partners, walk to hall for a proper briefing, queue up again with assigned partners and march class by class onto assigned buses with assigned teachers, sit in assigned seat, head count once seated, briefing on bus rules, sit down and stay seated. And those were only the steps that I witnessed while I was there and before they left for the ostrich farm.

There are definitely benefits for sending your kids to a school that's been doing this for more than 20 years, Alhamdulillah!

Gibran came home with stories about ugly ostriches, horse rides (which he said he went on, but then admitted that he only "imagined" he went on them.. heheh), lousy snacks and lunch ("Tak sedap, Mummy! Ban makan sausage yang Mummy bagi!"), and of bus ride memories that would last a person a lifetime. :)))

Don't even ask me how worried I was about this trip. The scenes that I imagined could've happened. The countless doas I recited to God. The countless briefings I had with Gibran to make sure he was ready for the trip. The need to follow my emotions and grab hold of his hands and tell him; "No! You're not ready for this trip! You have to stay home!!"....

..... and he came home justttt fine.

Sigh.

It is true that you cannot hold their hands forever.

Gibran and Lana

2011-07-19T23:03:00.005+08:00

Lana was born 2 weeks before Gibran and had similar lung problems as Gibran did. They meet every couple of months whenever Sue (Lana's mum, my ex-schoolmate)and I meet up (like this time) and so they've known each other all their lives.

They're always a bit shy and awkward at first everytime they meet. They'd just ignore each other and/or sit around playing apart, then slowly they'd start talking and then they'd start playing together. Last weekend while we were in Penang, Sue smsed me to say that she was also in Penang for the weekend. And so we decided to meet up for dinner on Saturday night.

Lana was eating when we arrived, and just stared at Gibran playing around with his Ultramen and dinner plates while waiting for his food. After both kids finished downing their fish&chips, they had pretty much "warmed up" and so off they went to a section of the restaurant to chat and play. H followed in the beginning just to make sure they were doing alright.

Alana: "Hah Gibran, awak ada berapa orang girlfriend sekarang?"

Baba: "Haaaa?" (eyes bulging from shock and wonder)

And what shock for Baba when good ol' Gibran answered without missing a beat!...

Gibran: "Banyak!"

Alana: "Siapa girlfriend awak hah?"

Gibran: "Alana lah!!"

Alana: "EEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!" (closing her mouth and shrieking with laughter)

Baba: *helpless with laughter*

And when the gleeful Baba tells Mummy about it..

Mummy: *pengsan*

Goodness goodness goodness. What is my world coming to.

A Class Music Act

2011-07-19T01:05:00.003+08:00

Due to H's influences, Gibran now likes to play the air guitar and dance around like a drunken man (ohh nauzubillah please God!) with his eyes half-closed whenever he hears rock songs. I go tsk-tsk disapprovingly but even I can't help feeling reallyy tickled inside when I look at the li'l fella dancing as if in a happy smiling trance, playing on his air guitar with all his might.

A couple of days back in Penang, the band at the hotel bar was playing some sort of rock music that could be heard loudly from the lobby. As we walked into the elevator to go back to our room, there Gibran went.. swaying around in the lift while plucking his air guitar with a half-smiling-stoned look of a rock star on his face.

Me: "Sighhh. Playing your guitar again, aren't you Gibran?"

Gibran: "A'ah! Macam Baba!"

Me: "Yeah yeah yeah.... ohh-kayyyy..."

Baba: "Haaaaaaaa.. ini macam la anak Baba!" (And proceeded to do the same air-guitar plucking act to accompany his son. Uwekkk...)

Then Gibran brings his right hand to his mouth, touches his fingers to his lips, and blows air out.. all the while looking serene and all-happy-smiley..

Me: "Errrr.. alrightttt. What's THAT supposed to be..??" (although I kinda already knew the answer!)

Gibran: "Hisap rokok lah! Ni tengah main guitar ni, mesti hisap rokok sekali!"

Me: *pengsan*

Ohh goodness gracious me..!!

Penang Yet Again

2011-07-15T00:51:00.004+08:00

It's nearly 1 a.m., I'm up accompanying H (who is doing work even on a holiday! What can I say.. I married a workaholic).. and we're cocooned up here at Copthorne Orchid after a fulfilling, fun day.

Baby will be here in approximately 60-70 days. Maybe this'll be the last holiday with just the three of us, who knows? ;)

Gibran's sleeping in the middle of the king-sized bed as usual. After a long cuddling session against Mummy's ketiak (armpits!) as usual. With lots of smooches and I-love-yous, my sunlight is asleep now. Soon InsyaAllah we'll have two sunlights. Oh gosh, Syukur indeed I am. And (yes I might bore everyone with this again) nervous as he|| indeed I am.

So next holiday a spare bed will be required. Gibran might have to make do with Baba's ketiak instead. Smooches and I-love-yous must not change, though, God willing it won't.

For the moment, this weekend I just want to enjoy my boys' company and let the good times engulf my worries.

Addiction

2011-07-15T00:24:00.004+08:00

Experts say addictions can be genetically inherited. Now, when they talk about that, they meant conditions such as alcohol addiction, drug addiction.. well, you get the idea.

But really, could a simple sort of "addiction" .. or simply put as a "like-ness" or even a "hobby" .. could those be passed down too? I for one am beginning to think that this stands true.

My mum has always been into handbags and shoes. Very much so. She loves collecting handbags and buying shoes, although she always ends up wearing the same old ones in the end. But thankfully she was never brand-conscious, neither was she a hoarder in her youth (that part came with age... perhaps we'll follow her footsteps in that aspect later on in life too.. eek..).. and not surprisingly, that is what I am now; a Mum obsessed over handbags and shoes (although motherhood has helped me restrained some of that obsession), but always willing to part with any items in my collection for the sake of loved ones, as gifts and so on.

And I've noticed Gibran to be a little similar in this aspect too. Err.. maybe it is my doing but.. the fella gets really, REALLY excited about shoes.

He has approximately five pairs of Crocs (got em all from warehouse sales of course), two pairs of sandals, two pairs of Pallas loafers, a pair of Puma running shoes and... dang, I can't recall. There are also a couple of pairs of shoes in the storage, waiting for him to grow into them (all because I couldn't resist buying them during sales and had to get bigger sizes for lack of choice and now the shoes can't be worn yet!). And still everytime we go to a shoe shop, he'll insist on trying on shoes and modelling them in front of mirrors. No I'm not kidding.

When I get a new pair of shoes (which is a rare occasion now), he'd say ooooh... aaaaah... how nice, great, Mummy, now lets go out and model your new shoes. Hehhh...

So...

A man with a shoe addiction....? God forgive me.

Cooling Down the Heart

2011-07-13T10:24:00.002+08:00

I nag. A lot. Err although I didn't think so, I now have to admit that maybe I do so.

Gibran jumps here and there and the room gets dusty and I start sneezing. I nag.

Gibran wrestles on the floor with Nabeel and ends up howling in pain from something Nabeel did to him. I nag.

Gibran dances around the room after his bath and starts sneezing because his chest can't stand to be exposed to cold air. I nag.

Gibran talks back in his wise a$$ way at me and I feel hormonal and emotional. I nag.

Gibran spills air sirap on the floor while his eyes are glued on the tv. I nag. Even screamed.

And more often than not, my little curly-haired fellow would come to me and rub my chest. And he rubs and rubs and rubs.

"Kenapa pulak ni!" .. questions the irritable Mummy that I am.

"Shhh.... shhhhh...."... and rubs some more.

"Huh apa shhhh shhh? Are you trying to quieten me?" Full-mode nagger on.

"Takkkk. Shhh Mummy... ni Ban tengah try nak sejuk kan hati Mummy ni. Hati Mummy tengah panassss. Ni ada setan agaknya ni. Shhhhhhhhh..." and rubs on.

Now how can a heart go on being heated..??

Worries

2011-07-11T00:14:00.003+08:00

The closer I am to the end of this pregnancy, the more nervous and worried I get. This time around, things are so different.

How will Gibran take the presence of another kid in the family? It's always been the three of us against the world.

This time pantang (confinement) will be at our own home, on our own. Our Bibik (the one we got 8 months ago), although a very kind soul, isn't the greatest housekeeper, or cook, or carer. She's slow at her work and slow at catching/understanding instructions too. But after having had experience and hearing nightmarish stories about maids from everyone around us, we are thankful to have her in our home Alhamdulillah. But Bibik being Bibik.. I'd still have to cook, still have to monitor Gibran's (and H's) food, clothing and daily routines. I worry if I'll have the energy to do that with a newborn in hand.

And about the baby. Will I be able to cope with the post-partum blues? Well, kudos to you mums out there with strong wills and hearts, I know this Mummy isn't a pleasant and happy Mummy when I'm overtired and lacking sleep. Because I know myself well enough, this worries me.

So many other worries, too many to put down here. Things are going on in the family (the bigger family as a whole), overwhelmingly chronic things lately (of the very personal nature, about which I won't go into here), so much so that I know I cannot expect much help and support from the family this time around. This time around, we might truly be very ... well.. truly on our own.

To Allah is the only One I can beg for ease of mind and strength.

At the Movies: Transformers 3

2011-07-09T10:48:00.002+08:00

This wasn't Gibran's first time at the movies, but he hadn't been to the movies in ages. The last time we brought him to the cinema was to watch Toy Story 3. Some time in the last year or so, I think..?

The reasons why we didn't bring him to the movies was because even watching a mild story like Toy Story 3, he got irritated with the loud sounds from the show ("Kuat sangat lah Mummy! Perlahankan volume!!") and whenever an unpleasant scene came on, like when Lotso the Bear attacked Woody and gang... he'd insist on leaving the cinema because he didn't want to witness the scenes!

But yesterday his cousins came over after school to hang out, and then they'd proudly announced that they were going to the movies later in the evening to watch Transformers. Gibran got so excited, he really wanted to join them for the show, and when Baba said "No Gibran, you can't go without Mummy and Baba.. who's gonna take care of you when you're scared or when you want to go to the toilet?..", he got really (really) upset and cried and begged to go with them. I finally calmed him down enough to take a nap (he was crying mostly because he was tired and frustrated, really), but good ol' Baba was so disturbed about his little darling crying that he went online right away to buy Transformers tickets. The thing is, the show is sold out through the weekend and in the end he got us tickets for the 5.30 pm show. And that was at 4.30! So we carried a sleepy Gibran into the car and rushed to Tropicana City Mall.

While H got the popcorn and drinks, Gibran and I went in first. The first thing I said to him when we were walking in was..

Mummy: "Remember Gibran, the movie's really loud, okay? I know you don't like loud noises, but in the cinema, movies are reallyyy loud, so if you can't stand it, just close your ears. If you really tak tahan, then we've got to leave."

Gibran: "Ok Mummy, Ban tutup telinga."

And once seated..

Mummy: "Wow, Ban, we're pretty close to the screen." (we were 7th row from the front)

Gibran: "WOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! BESARNYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

And I could hear people around us giggling and chuckling. Hehhhh... so malu.

And so it went on.

For the first hour he couldn't control the volume of his voice and kept laughing out loud at everything amusing, and asked endless questions (the usual thing he does whenever watching a show) about this and that in a very LOUD voice. He controlled his volume better in the second hour, but started to get restless from all the talking the movie was doing (must've seemed boring to him) and started looking around the cinema at other people and squirming this way and that on his seat. He refuses to munch on the popccorn (which we bought to keep him busy!) and squirmed around so much that I threatened to bring him home. And in the third hour since there were more fighting scenes, he sat cuddled against my big belly, eyes wide and claiming that he felt scared every now and then (well, that snake-like decepticon wasn't my favourite either).

When the show finished, he started running around like a monkey on the loose (I swear that forcing him to sit down still for more than 15 minutes is never a good idea), even throughout our dinner at Papa John's and the short supermarket session afterwards.

We came home totally exhausted, with Gibran's mildly running nose entirely blocked from the cold in the cinema, a wet cough hacking his chest (from the quarter cup of soft drink he had at dinner) and a pair of irritable parents trying to remedy the situation with flu medicine and Ventolin inhaler.

Phew. I still don't think movies would be a regular activity for us, as amusing as it was.

At School

2011-07-07T16:40:00.003+08:00

This was Gibran and his classmates during their Teacher's Day celebration earlier this year. Whenever I see him in school, behaving so well, blending in with the crowd.. following instructions, joking with the teachers (Mrs. M in particular loves to hear his stories and jokes.. she says he's her little entertainer).. I can hardly believe my eyes.

And in every lesson or essembly, I also noticed he loves sitting at the front of the crowd. Righttt in front of the teachers, with noone to obstruct his view. Hehehh. That's my boy! (Yeah you could probably tell that I was exactly like that too :p)

A few times he came back from school with stories about a girl, "A". His very itchi-fied Baba always teases him about liking her (much to my disapproval! Come onnnnnnn let kids be kids!)... She's in this picture too, the girl sitting nearest to him (the long-haired girl on his right).

Now he can read a lot of three-letter words... I haven't pushed him with four or five-letter words, but that's just me. I don't know how to push him academically coz my mum never pushed us academically (and we turned out fine didn't we.. hahaa). All I can say is that intellect-wise and social-wise, he has improved amazingly, and I am thankful for that.

Alhamdulillah, I am so glad we made the right decision to enrol him here :)

Working Out Despite the Pregnancy

2011-06-29T01:27:00.003+08:00

At the gym, everyone stares at me and so I feel like a superstar, or superfreak. Depending on the mood-of-the-day.

Today two aunties stopped to rub my tummy and one even got a big kick from baby. He was probably feeling as helpless and irritated as I was. Two other aunties starred while I worked on my upper and lower back, and when I finally turned and smiled at them, hurriedly asked the questions that were burning at the tip of their tongues..

"Can do exercise like that ah when you're pregnant like this?"

And as always I put on a habitual giggle and answered the usual answer.

"Cannn. The doctor said just have to do it lightly and carefully, that's all."

Ooooh. Aaaaah. The usual replies from the aunties.

Sometimes they make small talk about how admirable it is to be working out while pregnant, other times some of the aunties would scold and give unsolicited advice. In both situations, I just smile and nod, and then blah...

The standard chartered KL marathon happened last Sunday. And because H opposed to my running the marathon, I didn't go. Even though I'd waited all year for it. H's answer was.. "Well, yang, you waited a year for the marathon. I've waited my whole life for Ban and baby."

Aww. So because he's so sweet about it, I didn't go.

Why do I bother with all this working out..?

Come on. It's not because I wanna be thin. You can't lose weight if you eat normally (or oftentimes beyond-normal, with the cravings and weird taste buds),and exercise very lightly (by my standards lah).

I'm doing this for my babies.

When I was pregnant with Gibran, I walked a lot. Well, mostly in shopping complexes (haha) but twice a week I made myself go to the park, and walked. A year later my implants were infected, I could hardly walk, then I had to resort to wheelchairs in public places and another year of nursing the spine back to its "normal" health.

To conceive this second baby, I spent a year in the gym to lose 10 kilos, and a whole lot of time, sweat and money.

The spine will never be a normal spine. It has to be taken care of with care and attention. It needs to be exercised. It needs to be strengthened. The spine carries me, my weight, and the baby. If anything happens to the spine again.... I won't be able to be a normal mum who will be able to be there for her kids.

So yeah. Criticism, judgments and whatnots. I will do this, I will continue insyaAllah throughout the remainder of this pregnancy and the rest of my life, if I can, if God allows me. This isn't about looking good or simply feeling good. It's about the price that comes with having this spine, and for the blessings that God has given me (ie. the babies), I will not take this spine's health for granted.

Leg-Hugger

2011-06-22T23:22:00.003+08:00

Where once he could walk on his own to class, now it's the phase of the leg-hugger.

Gibran: "Nak Mummy jalan dengan Ban gi class pleaseeeee..."
Me: "Baby you can walk by yourself, kan? Ban big boy... so independent and brave."
Gibran: "Taknakkk Mummy pleaseee.. Ban rindu sangat Mummy bila Ban kat skolah..."
Me: *melts*

Walk him to class, having had his promise that he'd walk peacefully into class once we get there with no trouble at all ("Promise Mummy... Ban tak nangis masuk class.."). Then when we get there..

He hugs my leg and refuses to let go until Mrs. M manages to distract his attention long enough for me to run out of the class, 9 extra kilos heaving, jiggling and all. Some days I gotta leave with him howling and tears running down his thin face.

And when H sends him to school..

Gibran: "Please Baba please... Ban promise Ban good boy, Ban sad takde Baba kat school..."
Baba: *melts*

Walk him to class, then..

He hugs H's leg and refuses to let go until Mrs. M manages to distract him. Some days the usual waterworks follows.

Regression of the elder sibling. What a thing to deal with.

Wonder how he'll take to having another kid in the bed?

Don't Jinx The Makan Issue

2011-06-22T22:47:00.003+08:00

Hahaha.. seriously.

When your kid eats well, just say thank God! Alhamdulillah! Phew! .. and try not to talk so much about how happy you are that he's a big, healthy eater ;p

About a month back, Gibran went through a phase where he didn't really eat. It was disappointing and stressful for us, coz he's always been a healthy eater and when you suddenly have a kid who seems like he's made a 180-degree turn, turning into a picky eater who does nothing but keep the food in his mouth, refusing to chew or swallow... the situation can be seriously frustrating. And hey I won't even deny that tempers did flare once in a while when it took more than an hour to make him finish a small helping of rice and lauk!

I cracked my head like nobody's business trying to figure out what it was that I was doing wrong. Pikir punya pikir and punya pikir and punya pikir...

Perhaps a change of menu would help...?

I realised that I hadn't been cooking much variety since I got pregnant. It was always the usual lauks.. soups... chicken or beef in soy sauce... fried chicken or fish or omelette.. maybe he was bored of how his food was presented. I'd always tried to give him a variety of food ranging from all sorts of rice (normal rice, flavoured rice, fried rice, etc.)... to noodles, pastas, breads, etc. But since I was so tired all the time in the first trimester, I just cooked what was simple, stuff that didn't require much energy to make.

So during the school holiday, I forced my cooking-mojo back into business.

I made all sorts of flavoured rice (nasi tomato, nasi lemak, nasi ayam), all sorts of noodles (kuey teow goreng, meehoon sup, tanghoon goreng, etc.), all sorts of pastas and breads (bolognese, alfredo, aglio olio, homemade pizzas, homemade sausage breads, etc.)...it was tiring with this extra 9 kilos lugging around in the kitchen with me (dang I feel much heavier this time around).. but thank goodness, it was worth it!

It worked!

The fella's appetite is back in business. Praise Allah!

Ohhhhhhhh I'd be lying of I claim the success to be entirely mine alone ;p

Try this surefire remedy to improve a child's seemingly-stalled appetite. When your healthy eater turns into a picky eater overnight... give this remedy a shot:

UBAT CACING!!

Kekekekeeee...

So maybe it was because the cacings have been killed off. Or maybe it was the cooking? (masuk bakul angkat sendiri!).. Who knows? All I know is that I have a newfound respect for mums with picky eaters. I dislike the stress that comes with dealing with a picky eater and I cannot imagine the strength and patience it takes to deal with a picky eater on a daily basis! Phew. So mummies out there, if you have a picky eater.. I salute you!

The Boom of the Baby Boom

2011-06-20T01:16:00.002+08:00

People all around me are getting pregnant! A second boom by the first generation baby boomers???

Anyway, congratulations to all those who are expecting!

And to my dearest friends who are trying to conceive, please don't give up and pray hard, believe hard, try (very) hard. Insyaallah, God is always listening. And it is He who knows best what is best for us.

Being Favourites

2011-06-18T00:36:00.005+08:00

The truth is H and I aren't the favourites in our families. We're not the favourite grandchild, or child, or cousin (to anyone in particular), or whatever. And from what we can see, neither is Gibran (to everyone else but us). He's not the favourite grandson, cousin, nephew or whatever, to anyone in particular (well... maybe he is, to Shamel who is very attached to him).

Sometimes I feel sorry for him and pity him. Then H would remind me that we're both none-favourites too, and we're living fine. InsyaAllah, that is what I hope for Gibran.

When Dad talks about my sister's kids and how much he misses them when they're not around, I look at this curly-haired boy who is frolicking on the carpet like a mad tasmanian devil trying to catch his grandfather's attention, and I feel sorry for his quest. When Mum gets upset with me about something when she's over at our house and says out loud to sister; "Jom, jom balik jom!" and I watch my curly-haired hero squealing and running around in excitement because his grandma is there for a long visit and his house feels merry and noisy.. and I feel sorry for his lack of importance in the family. When relatives comment about how they cannot believe his hyperactiveness and how they're unwilling to babysit him because of his extremely cacing kepanasan perangai, I feel sorry that it seems as if noone really wants him around or takes the effort to get to know him.. except for us, his parents.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to point out the negativity in the family in a mean or angry way, I'm talking about this because it is the obvious, and one day he will realise it. And when he realises it, he should have the right to know why it is the way it is.

My dear curly-haired darling, it is the way it is because of the choices we have made as parents. Being non-favourites ourselves, H and I chose to keep Gibran close to us, not allowing him to be as close as his grandparents would have wanted him to be with them. Not allowing many others the opportunity to get to know or be close to him as perhaps they would've liked to.. because we do not want others to manipulate or meddle the way we choose to raise him. Gibran, we want to raise you with the right principles, we don't want you spoiled by grandparents because we've seen too much of how countless kids (my nephews and niece specifically) are spoiled by my parents.. and it isn't good, because they take so much for granted, they assume too much too easily. We wanted you to grow up knowing that not everything in the world can be had, not everything can be bought, that money doesn't come easy and only through selfless love and hard work can be build the close-knit family that we want. But I won't deny that our decision to keep everyone around you at bay, at arm's length, may have affected any opportunities you had to become anyone's favourite as well.

And I won't deny that the main underlying reason for this overprotectiveness is our hope that Gibran (and his future siblings) would be protected from the pain and disappointment of being non-favourites.

I hope you understand that we're sorry for our shortcomings, that we decide what we decided on because we believe that you could grow up to be a better person if your childhood isn't manipulated and meddled with some outside influences.

Recent happenings in the family has made me aware of how being a non-favourite can still affect your life, as much as you try to stay away from family politics and so on, like it or not, you're stuck with family. Friends you can choose, families you can't. You're tied to them, for life. One day you will understand this. You can try to protect your children and yourselves from the pain, but some days it can come sneaking right into your lives and there is no escape from it.

But through it all, this non-favourite (that's me) survives and thrives with the love and support of another non-favourite (that's your Baba). Ironically enough, through life's thick and thin, we've always strived to give you as much love as we can, so that insyaAllah one day you won't feel what we feel today.

Remember, Gibran, you are not our non-favourite. You might not be other people's favourite, but you are and will always be our first son, the glue that ties our little family together, and I hope one day you and your brother (and other siblngs if Allah gives us the rezeki) will stand side by side and know that we love you, that each of you are special, because here I promise you that I will try my hardest to always make my children feel fairly treated and loved. There will be no non-favourite in this little family. I will try my best to spare you that pain and disappointment, as God is my witness. That is my prayer to Allah, may he help me in achieving success as a mother. To always make you (and your siblings) to feel fairly loved, cared for, not ostracized or put aside as second best.

At a certain point in this life you may feel like a non-favoured person by anyone else, that you might wish that people would notice you or care about your feelings more than others. You may wish for fair love and treatment. But please remember your parents love you deeply, and to us you are never a non-favourite.

P/S: Forgive the hormones talking. Yes it might just be the hormones.

Lion Dance Misgivings

2011-06-10T19:55:00.003+08:00

Gibran dislikes loud noises. And since the lion dance event at school early this year, any loud noise is associated with lion dance.

Going into One Utama, we heard loud music from some fashion event going on in the complex. And he asked..
Gibran: "Ada lion dance ke Mummy...???"

In our car and the beating of music from a car close by vibrated through the street, flowing right into our car with its noisy thumping rhythms. And he asked..
Gibran: "Takde lion dance ke kat sini Mummy...?"

At out own house and we could hear loud music and the beat of the bass coming from some sort of wedding fiesta somewhere from the nearby Kampung Kayu Ara... he asked..
Gibran: "Takde lion dance ke sekarang ni Mummy...??"

It seems that even his teacher Mrs. M knows of this obsession. During the semester's parent-teacher meeting last month, Mrs. M laughingly pointed out that she thinks its so cute that he keeps asking her whether there'd be a lion dance troop coming for a visit everytime he hears any sort of loud noise!

The Mid-Year School Holiday

2011-06-07T00:31:00.006+08:00

The holidays can be a confusing time. Not just for the mummies.. for the kiddies too.

This holiday we didn't go anywhere because H couldn't get any time off work, and the prices of hotels are ridiculous! So we decided to have our own self-holiday later on in the month, insyaAllah.

After a week of holiday, Gibran has learned to sleep in till as late as 10 a.m. on some days. The first few days were a little annoying, with him waking up at 7 a.m. and insisting on waking up for breakfast.. whereas if it was a school day, he'd be screaming how he doesn't want to wake up because he doesn't wanna go to school. Hmmff. So.. this sleeping-in thing. Am I a happy momma? Well, it's a little treat to be able to sleep in after Subuh prayers, but it's also disorienting knowing that in a week's time we'd have to go back to our usual schedule of waking up at 7 a.m. for school preparations. Don't get me wrong, I am trying to enjoy this as much as I can (because it's sort of the last long school holiday we'll have before the baby comes in the last week of August; that's when we're probably scheduling the cesarean...).. sometimes I feel like a silly kid myself.. wishing with all my might that this holiday would last forever.

The nearer my due date is, the more nervous I get about the idea of dealing with a little baby once again. My big baby is now (sort of!) fully independent.. fun to be with, easy to converse with, with his own opinions and inputs on everything that goes on around us. He can make easy, clear and opinionated choices.. he can tell when I'm tired or feeling down and does things to comfort me.. he can manage his own mess and daily routines when I ask him to, without much fuss because surprisingly he's grown into a pretty understanding and cooperative child. When he is unwell he can tell me what hurts and how he feels in very detailed explanations.. he takes all his meds without fuss (even the teh'o pekat that I made for his slight diarrhea a couple of weeks back).. he understands reasons and is pretty much always willing to do anything to make himself well if / when he is ill. Now with all this.. my fears and worries about handling a 100% dependent baby are very real and daunting. Some people embrace motherhood with multiple children with ease and instant gratification. I on the other hand have always been a worrier, and a fickler for small details (bothering on obsessive-compulsiveness perhaps!!) .. so I hope God will help me in embracing the changes that will come with a new baby with courage and patience.

And the further along my pregnancy is, the more manja Gibran becomes, and the closer I feel to him. I find myself looking forward to spending the day with him as I wake up in the morning. Friends and family sometimes say that it is leceh to bring along an active child like Gibran on outings (he runs at restaurants and crawls under the tables, amongst many other things).. but what can I say? He is my sweetheart and I miss him badly when he isn't around. The dependency is mutual, and even H and my mum are getting a bit worried about how things'll be when the baby comes. As for me, I'm just enjoying the time we have left with just the two of us in our own little, cozy, loving cocoon.. because yes, things'll be different, and I hope with the love that I have and show for Gibran, perhaps the baby's presence won't make him feel as threatened as people say it will.

It is now the second and last week of school holiday, and I already wish we could turn back the clock!

Bedtime stories between milk brothers.

What is an Engineer?

2011-05-29T00:36:00.004+08:00

Gibran: "Mummy, engineer tu apa?"

Me: "Well, you know Papa Long is an engineer. It's his job.. he is an engineer. Baba is a lecturer, Mummy is also a lecturer although Mummy pergi kerja only a few times a week. Atuk is a pilot, Papa Tok was a pilot too. You know what an engineer does?"

Gibran: "Tauuuuuu. Engineer tu is orang yang gemukkkk sangat. Engineer is orang yang perut buncit. Kan Mummy?"

Me: "What???!!!"

Errr. Yeah. Papa Long may be a bit tubby around the mid-body region, but whoever gave Gibran this idea lah?? Goshhh...

P/S: Papa Long is Shamel's dad. Gibran adores his Papa Long and loves to greet him with chuckles and affectionate rubs on Papa Long's tummy.. which Papa Long allows him to do, always followed by laughter from Papa Long! Maybe that's why the tummy is ingrained in Gibran's mind...

With Mama Long (sister) and Papa Long's family.

Good News

2011-05-29T00:19:00.002+08:00

The blood test shows slight infection (which the doc says should be nothing to worry about, InsyaAllah!), and InsyaAllah the lump will disappear eventually (may take weeks, months or years). But bottom line is; nothing malignant! Praise Allah!

So he is now on another course of antibiotics. Hopefully this'll help do the trick :)

The scariest thing was the waiting. When the doc called me at 9am on Friday, I was sweating cold sweat, imagining all sorts of bad scenarios. And when the news came, I couldn't help thinking about how for some people, the scariest part would not be over with the coming of the news. For some people, the news would be the beginning of a whole lot of worse things that could possibly come their way.

Back in 2008, I met a kakak who has a son who suffered from testicular cancer. A boy diagnosed at two years of age, operated on and given chemo for years, and recovered at the age of six. The boy is now about ten years old, old and wise beyond his years due to all that he's been through. And yet of course, he is lucky to have recovered, and his parents are thankful beyond description.

I remember thinking how amazing the parents are, and what a nightmare it must've been for them to go through a time feeling (and knowing) that they could lose their child any time.

There are many, many people out there who are or have gone through such a situation. It would do me good to always remember this and always (always!) be thankful of how lucky we are. Every single day.

Syukur Alhamdulillah for the days of good health blessed upon us.

The Lump

2011-05-25T14:47:00.006+08:00

The lump on his right lymph node is not getting smaller. In fact, I feel that it's getting larger. :(

God knows if it's because he's caught another flu this week (nothing serious, just an odd blocked nose at night and then voila!.. nothing at all for the rest of the day!).. but whatever it is, I brought him to see Dr. Aw yesterday morning and Gibran is now scheduled to have a blood test done tomorrow morning.

We've arrived at the bridge and we now have to cross it.

Hear my prayers please, Almighty.

Portraits of Favourites

2011-05-23T23:54:00.003+08:00

Gibran loves using H's HTC phone camera. He's not bothered with normal cameras. Just the HTC phone camera.

He takes pictures of things he loves..

Of the Baba, of course; the main man in his life.

Of his Ultramen.

And he does self-portraits too ;)

As well as, errmmm... other portraits...

The HTC phone was his obsession in the first few months that H had it (when he first bought it middle of last year). Now that he's practically finished (and scored the high scores!) on most of the angry birds' various levels, the phone's just his way of expressing his love for self-portraits and for Baba's face. Hehh..

The Curious Case of Gibran Zayd

2011-05-23T23:17:00.004+08:00

Gibran knows how he came out of my tummy. He first asked me this as a two year old (hooboy when I recall things now, he did start speaking/blabbering very early on..) and I showed him the cesarean scar on my lower abdomen area to show him where the doctor made the cut to bring him out of my womb and into the world. Of course I always made a dramatic story about how only doctors can do this sort of thing coz if anyone else does it, mummy would be in deep trouble because normal people won't know how to patch mummy back up again. So since we've had that conversation about how he was brought out into this world at least a hundred times.. he's pretty satisfied with the explanation.

I've always wondered how mummies who gave birth normally explain this particular thing to their kids. I asked sister about it, and she pondered the issue long and hard before finally announcing; "Hmmmmm... I dunnoo... my kids have never actually asked me about it." I mean... really???? How amazing is that? Four kids and not one of them actually asked about it...? Gosh. Does that make Gibran a super-curious or super-nosy kid....?

Anyways..

A few days ago we saw a pregnant mummy cat. She was lazying around on the pavement and refused to move in all her fatty-glory. So today on the way to school, Gibran asked me about it.

Gibran: "Mummy, kenapa mummy cat yang pregnant tu taknak bergerak?"
Me: "I think she was just getting too fat. Like mummy lah, sekarang ni Mummy's quite fat, kan?"
Gibran: "A'ahhh, mummy fat."
Me: "Hehehehhh..."
Gibran: "Mummy.....??"
Me: "Yes baby?"
Gibran: "Macam mana baby cat keluar daripada perut mummy cat? Nanti doctor datang potong perut mummy cat, ye?"
Me: *utterly speechless*

After a few seconds..

Gibran: "Mummy, jawab la Mummy!"
Me: "Errmmm... errmmm... that's very hard to explain, Ban. Animals are different. Errrrmmm nanti mummy will try to think of a way to explain it to you soon, k! Anywayyyyyy...."

And change the subject I did!

What would you say?!

Shockers!

2011-05-21T00:38:00.003+08:00

Last week while I was rubbing my tummy with Tiger Balm in an attempt to expel some wind..

Gibran: "Mummy sayang Baby ke?" (referring to the baby in the tummy)
Me: "Yes of course darling baby Mummy, you're my number one baby, you know I love you so much, and that's how much I hope I can love baby too."
Gibran: *mild hesitation*... "Tau tak, Nabeel kata Mummy dah tak sayang Ban lagi."
Me: "Huh?? Why did Nabeel say that for??"
Gibran: "Nabeel cakap nanti Mummy dapat baby baru, Mummy dah tak sayang Ban lagi sebab Ban bukan baby lagi."
Me: "No way! That won't happen, okay? You are my number one baby and nothing's gonna change that, okay baby? You know Mummy loves you so much. That's why Mummy's staying home with you all the time, kan?"
Gibran: "Ok Mummy."
Me: "You know I love you, right?"
Gibran: "Yes Mummy."

This morning when I was waking him up for school..

Gibran: (As usual).. "Taknak sekolah!! Taknak gi schooooool! Semalam dah pegi dahhhhh! Hari ni tak payahhhhh!"
Me: "Mana bolehh. Kalau tak pegi sekolah nanti jadi tak pandai. Semua orang kena pegi sekolah every single day. Besides, today's Friday. Tomorrow you won't have to go to school, okay?"
Gibran: "Taknakkkkk school!! Mummy jahat! Mummy jahat!" (that's the latest thing he picked up from school; to call everyone jahat..)
Me: "You know that if you say Mummy's jahat, that means you are anak orang jahat, you know."
Gibran: "Takkkkkk..Mummy jahat. Ban baik. Tau tak kenapa Mummy jahat? Sebab Mummy suruh Ban gi skolah. Mummy suka suruh Ban gi skolah sebab Mummy taknak Ban duduk rumah dengan Mummy. Mummy taknak Ban duduk rumah temankan Mummy. Mummy taknak Ban kat rumah!"
Me: "Come here baby..." (cuddling him)
Gibran: (cuddling while whimpering) "Mummy sayang Ban ke?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Gibran: "Mummy sayang Ban.."
Me: "Of course I do. Even when you're being mean I'm being nice to you, right?"
Gibran: "Yesss. Mummy, jom pegi mandi..."

Hmmmm.

And it has begun.

Lymph Node Swelling

2011-05-18T09:53:00.004+08:00

A couple of weeks back the little fella caught a running nose (haha how weird does that sound, really..) after spending half the day at the Starship play area in One Utama with his cousins and close buddies. A few days after that he complained of pain in the mouth region and as I was looking into his mouth to inspect his teeth, gums and tonsils, i suddenly felt a round lump on his lymph nodes area, on the right side of neck. It was about the size of a five cent coin.

Dr. Aw was closed that night, so I took him to a clinic in Taman Tun. The doc gave him some pretty awful-smelling antibiotics which I was doubtful about (come on, how to make him swallow something that even I can't stand smelling...??).. so I took him to see Dr. Aw the next day. Dr. Aw prescribed him some new antibiotics (which he warned would be bitter and not very pleasant, but Gib took it without complaining anyway) and told me to observe the lymph nodes. If the lump didn't disappear within 2 weeks, I was to take him back to the doctor for a follow-up. For now it's suspected that the lymph node swelling is due to the viral flu that he had, but would hopefully subside after taking the course of antibiotics.

Two weeks on and the lump's still there. I've been driving by Dr. Aw's clinic but he was closed for four nights in a row last week. Dunno why! We were told that the good doctor is retiring permanently at the end of this month, but don't know why the clinic's been closed at night, most nights.

So I skipped him from school last Friday and took him to see Dr. Mary in Assunta; our other trusted paed.

She checked various points of lymph nodes on Gibran's body and announced that the swollen nodes are contained to the neck-up region, which is a good sign. She gave the same opinion; that the swelling is caused by the viral flu (and apparently he has more than one swollen node but I can't feel it) and I was told to observe his lymph nodes for a couple more weeks. If the five-coin sized swelling doesn't subside, he will have to be brought back to Assunta for further check-up which would include ultrasound scans and so on. Frankly, I didn't ask what the worst case scenario could be because from my experience.... one should cross that bridge only if or when one gets there. And I am praying we won't have to.

So.. here's hoping that the swelling(s) will go down, InsyaAllah.

Round Ligament Pain

2011-05-10T19:29:00.001+08:00

So they say round ligament pain is very common for pregnant women. Frankly, I never gave it much thought because the pregnancy with Gibran was pretty smooth-sailing (except the first 16 weeks when I was shocked out of my wits at how nauseating nausea can be).

This time around, could it be that I am older, or could it be that we tried so much harder for this baby, or could it be that it's simply luck. For some puzzling reason, this one's a little tougher than the pregnancy in my 20s.

Now at 21 weeks the nausea's still there (although I'm still thankful to say I've never puked), the appetite still funky,and the fatigue still unbelievable. Weird and not entirely fun, but who'd trade it for the world?

So back to round ligament pain, which is of course no biggie for most women who have experience with it. I on the other hand, had no clue of how it was supposed to feel.

As usual after I'd dropped Gibran off at school, I went to the gym (or oftentimes the park) for a short workout. Today I saw sister on the cross trainer, so I hopped on to the one next to her and started my snail-pace 30-minute workout. Then it was off to the free weight section to do some spine/back exercises, and then off for a shower. I was supposed to go to KL to send the ol' Medela breastpump for servicing, but hunger got the best of me and off I went for a good helping of chicken chop at Kluang Station.

The next thing I knew I was walking back to the car with my heavy (carbonated-drink-ladened) handbag and gym bag, when some sort of stabbing pain hit me on my lower left abdomen. H was calling my handphone at the same time, the gym bag was falling off (caught by my God-given best bud Eena who was there) and I had difficulty breathing. Not good, Allahuakbar; that was all I could think of. Since I'd never experienced a contraction or whatsoever (elective cesarean being the only choice available for my condition), I had no clue what the pain was. The weirdest thing was how the pain lingered, so much so that I could not drive. Thankfully H was at the gym today, so he insisted we saw the gynae to put our minds at rest.

So it is round ligament pain. Very common indeed. But hey let me tell ya something. For a person who'd never experienced such pain in previous pregnancy, who'd also never experienced normal labour pains, to have surprising abdomen pains while pregnant with a baby you've tried very, very hard for four years to have.. it ain't a comforting experience.

Tawakkaltualallah, no more confusing surprises if possible please God.

Oh, and before I forget. It's a boy, InsyaAllah :)

The Trouble with Travelling While Pregnant

2011-04-22T12:12:00.003+08:00

.. is that one minute you're up and about and all ayyy-okayyyy and the next minute you're down and out and strung out. Or simply exhausted.

So the boys went downstairs to the pool while I rested in the room nursing a churning tummy (too indulgent, too much food) and consoling myself with H's 3G internet.

And lo and behold!!!!

30 minutes ago I felt weak and faint and now I'm ready to get up and swim laps! And it only took 30 minutes of rest with a hot cup of tea.

Who can figure out this pregnancy deal...??? Wallahualam.

Oh and if you guys are planning to try out hotels in Penang, steer clear of Paradise Sandy Beach hotel. I thought I'd give this old hotel a try because we heard they have spacious rooms and a decent beach. And hooboy, was it ever a bad decision.

Will story that one later.

Now Super-Bunting-Lady is ready for a race in the pool.

The First Trimester

2011-04-19T20:40:00.002+08:00

It was without a doubt the most nauseating months of my life! Whoever says second kids are easier are nuts. It wasn't as nauseating or tiring as this when I was carrying Gibran. Err.. or was it? Maybe my memory's failing me.

So this is how it's been the last three months..

.. Nauseous. Constantly. Lucky i'm not a puker. Else I would've. I just swallow all the wannabe-puke down with ais krim soda and 7-up and zapple and 100plus. And to think I never drink any sweet drinks usually on a daily basis (only coffee). Oh speaking of coffee.. I was totally turned off by it. Till the last couple of weeks when I started the coffee-drinking again ;p

.. Exhasted. Constantly! In a day gifted with 24 hours perhaps I spent 10 hours sleeping, and another 5 to 7 hours lying around in the house like I was attached to the bed or sofa. Completed with a dazed and nauseous look on my face. Sorta green-coloured as well because of the nausea and lack of sunlight.

.. Anti-social. Didn't go to the gym and didn't see the other mummies in our gang for a couple of months! Only started working out again and seeing their wonderful faces in the beginning of April.

.. Picky picky picky. About food, about people's behaviours, about my surrounding. Smells irritate me like nobody's business. Can't even stand the smell of fabric softener, H's breathe (God forgive me! I love you anywayyyy you stinky man!!!) and Gibran's breathe too actually. Couldn't cook, couldn't sleep facing H (or Gibran!), couldn't stand the slightest smell of anything at all. Air has to be neutral or I'll have a gak reflex. Alhamdulillah since the beginning of April, this symptom has lessened somehow. Praise God!

So there. It's not all roses. But no way would I trade a single day for a day of not being pregnant. That's the absolute truth.

Baby, Mummy loves you already although you're starting to be a bugger just like your brother Ban. ;D

The TV Shockers

2011-04-18T21:21:00.002+08:00

While watching TV and a music video of skimpily clad girls came on..

Gibran: "Eeeeeeeeee perempuan ni semuanya tak malu, tau Mummy?! Diorang tak pakai baju! Nanti orang tengok tetek, tau!!!"
Mummy: *pengsan*

While watching advertisements on TV and a particular ad came on..

Gibran: (with a wide smile on his face) "Tengok tu, Mummy. Girl ni cantikkk sangat. Sama cantik dengan Mummy, tau."
Mummy: *giggled helplessly*

While watching TV and a topless man came on..

Gibran: "Ish, tengok tu. Kenapa dia bukak baju? Tak malu ke nampak tetek dia?"
Mummy: *pengsan*

CONCLUSION: Less TV, please.

Tadika D's Family Day 2011

2011-04-14T23:59:00.005+08:00

There were fun and games.

In which Mummy refused to participate in because all that running just makes me huff and puff. So Kak Sarah had to be Baba's partner ;D

They didn't win but had a ball. And we had a ball cheering our throats out!

After just an hour, most of the kids were nearly tired out from running around too much (not just when playing the games.. most of them were running around like headless chickens from the sheer excitement of being with family in school with no lessons to do!).. most kids except for Shamel who mostly remained cuddled closely to his Mama like the manja boy that he is ;p Just look at that sheepishly exhausted look on Gibran's face and compare it to the energetic grin on Shamel's face.

And everybody got foil trophies and souvenirs!

Nice work Tadika D! Err but next time maybe we could have a catered lunch instead of a messy potluck..? Hehehe.

Rojak Tanah

2011-04-14T23:14:00.003+08:00

One night when we were at Mama Tok's, while Gibran was brushing his teeth..

Gibran: (Stopped his high-pitched humming and spoke with a mouthful of toothpaste) "Mummy.... apa 'ROJAK TANAH'?"

Me: "Huh? What's that baby?"

Gibran: "Rojak Tanahhhhhh. Mummy tau, kita baca doa, cakap ROJAK TANAHHHHHHHH.. Amin..."

Me: "What?? Mana ada benda nama Rojak Tanah.. kat mana Ban belajar ni..?"

Gibran: "Kat school la. Ustazah ajar. Bismillahirrahmanirrahimmmmmm.... Allahummaaaaaaaa...... Rojak Tanahhhhhhhhhhhh...." (starting to stomp his feet and frowning in the beginnings of an impatient tantrum)

**DING!!!** Light-bulb light-up moment!!

Me: "Heyyyyyyyyyy I think I know what you're talking about, Ban!!! Is it this one??...ALLAHUMMA BARIK LANA FI MA ROZAK TANA WAKINA AZABAN NAR....???"

Gibran: "A'ah!! Tu lah ROJAK TANAH!!!"

Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!... It was the doa sebelum makan that kids learn in school! Now it can't be helped; I'll always remember it as the doa rojak tanah. ;p

The Start of a Love-Hate Relationship

2011-04-06T23:14:00.005+08:00

Let me be 100% frank here. I have one older sister and she's my only sibling. And we have what you'd call a love-hate relationship.

We love each other and we hate each other. When we need someone to talk to or favours that require trustworthy souls, we'd turn to each other. And when we disagree and fight over all things big and small, we'd be the first ones to admit that the other party is the biggest pain in the ar$e in the whole wide universe. When people compliment one of us, the other one would snort in disbelief at the mere idea of that sister being thought of with greatness. But when anybody dares to utter one single nasty word about a sister they are not happy with.. we'd turn into defensive monsters because, after all, we're the only ones allowed to say nasty things about each other.

So indeed I believe that all siblings have some sort of love-hate relationships.

And with Gibran, it looks like it has already started.

When Gibran saw other kids with their siblings, he used to ask me why he didn't have any himself. I told him that when and if God wills it, He would put a baby in Mummy's tummy when He thinks the time is right for us. And so before he went to bed, he used to say it in his doa every once in a while..

Gibran: "Ya Allah, jadikanlah Gibran good boy supaya Gibran boleh masuk syurga. Jauhkanlah Gibran daripada setan, kuman dan orang jahat! And please Ya Allah boleh tak letakkan baby dalam perut Mummy Ban..... Ameeeen..."

It made my eyes water whenever he said those doas. :)

The day came when we could finally tell him that there is indeed a baby in Mummy's tummy now. His eyes went wide and he asked if the baby was coming out right now, but I told him it would be quite a long time till baby grows big enough to come out of the tummy. After a few questions about how doctor is going to safely bring out baby.. he went back to playing with his Ultramen figurines like I had told him nothing more than a piece of news about the weather.

Eventually all three boys became aware of the baby in the tummy as Mummy acted like a nauseous zombie most of the days. Once in a while one of them would come and talk nonsense to Mummy's tummy while Mummy rests on the sofa.

Shamel: "Helooooooooooo babyyy. Awak bila nak keluar...? Nanti saya pukul awak, awak mesti nangis!!! HAHAHAHAAAAAAA...."

And..

Nabeel: "Baby bila nak keluar?? Lama sangat! Buat ape dalam tu, ha???"

Then...

Gibran: "Nanti kita buat baby nangis! Jom! Uwaaaaa uwaaaaa uwaaaaaa. Baby kan asyik nangisss je. Nanti la dia!! HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Hmmmmff.

Then there are those OHMIGOD moments.

Once when he was upset with me..

Gibran: "Ban marah dengan Mummy. Ban nak pukul perut Mummy. Biar Mummy sakit. Biar baby cry."

I tell you, those moments make me feel like developing heart palpitations.

But then suddenly after a few months now..

Gibran: "Takde siapa boleh kacau baby Ban, okay? Tu adik Ban. Ban yang boleh kacau dia. Shamel dengan Nabeel tak boleh!!!"

And he'd run to me to give my tummy a big, wet and loud smooch.

And that, my friends, is what I would mark as the beginning of this love-hate relationship.

;)

The Reason for the Quietness

2011-03-24T23:25:00.004+08:00

The last few months have been slow, nauseating, confusing. Basically a blur for a person constantly feeling "unhealthy".

And there's a good reason to it all. Really, there is.

In my personal blog I mentioned about the best birthday gift ever. EVER! I got it a couple of weeks before my birthday.

Yes, we are pregnant :)

Initially I was adamant not to talk publicly about this. Not ever, till the baby is born. But then as time passes by, I realised that I wanted to write about the baby's progress, for memories' sake and for noone else's sake.

Praise Allah for what we thought was nearly impossible. Indeed He knows best and works in mysterious ways!

So InsyaAllah, Gibran will be a big brother some time this September.

*Huge smile*

Like Mummy, Like Ban

2011-03-15T00:31:00.004+08:00

A week back I was complaining to my Mum about Gibran's "liat"-ness to get up and go to school. To my surprise.. Mum laughed and laughed!

Me: "What's so funny Mak?!"

Mak: "Hah! Rasakan! Sebijik macam mummy dia!" ("There you go! Exactly like his Mummy!")

Me: "Huh. Whaddaya mean.."

Mak: "Don't pretend like you don't know! Don't pretend like you don't remember. Tell me who has always hated school in our family? Who used to make excuses about tummy aches and headaches and whatever-aches at as young as 5 years old? Just so she can sit at home and read Enid Blyton and bug me do housework all day?? Don't pretend like you don't know!"

Errrrrr...

Mak: "And then what did that person do as she grew older?? When she was in secondary school, who used to sneak out the school gate and run allllll the way home as quickly as possible to skip school?? Yaaaaa you never skipped without my knowledge.. lucky you were a good girl that way. But everyyyydayyy I had to endure the discipline teacher's phone call! And I had to explain to the headmaster that I knew you were home and you weren't out skipping without my knowledge. And I couldn't find a single way to make you like school for all those years!! Hahh... sekarang.. RASAKAN!!"

Hmmmmmff.

Okayy. Guilty as charged.

Trust a mum to always point out the unpleasant truth.

Apa Ni!

2011-03-07T23:01:00.002+08:00

Probably the Malay version of the "What!!" exclamation, don't ya think!

I've spoken too soon about something and had probably jinxed the whole thing. Here's what it is.

Since taking a few days off from school last week due to fever and flu, Gibran is now refusing to go to school.. every morning!

Every morning when H and I wake him up, he'd start the day off with shouts of..

"TAKNAKKKKKK SCHOOL!!!!!!!!"

"TAKNAKKKKKKKK SCHOOOOOOOL!!"

"TAKKKKKNAKKKKKKKKKK SCHOOOOOOOOOOL!"

Sometimes he'd continue shouting even as he is being showered. I swear by now all the guards outside the house, and probably half the neighbourhood know of his newly found hatred for school.

When I asked him why, he always says it's because of the bullies in his class who likes to carik pasal with him and beat him. He claims they try to bully Shamel too.

But Shamel says that he hasn't been disturbed because he ignores everyyyyone in class, and noone else in the class is his friend. Only Gibran is his friend.

Hmmm.

Gibran might be biting off more than he can chew, to tell you the truth.

Mrs. M has always said that Gibran's always in a hurry to finish his work coz he loves playing. Maybe he's playing too much with the wrong playmates. Gosh, I dunno.

What is a Mummy to do?

Sigh.

What!!!!

2011-02-28T23:27:00.002+08:00

We're all sick... again!

I've lost track on how many times we've been sick this month. Goodness gracious me.

So it's yet another week spent at my parents' house, nursing ourselves to health with the aid of my family. What'll we do without family, really?

Please Allah keep us away from all those dangerous kumans!

An Update for Update's Sake

2011-02-27T18:38:00.000+08:00

I have good reasons for not writing. Really I do. There're too many things on the plate right now (things that I don't want to talk about on a "public" blog), plus I haven't been in the best of health. Since my energy level isn't at its best, I have to save whatever I have to take care of Gibran and the family, and whatever else is leftover beyond that.. goes to work.

So this is an update for the sake of updating.

The latest on school is..

He loves school. He really does, and I'm not very surprised coz he's a really outgoing li'l fella. He makes friends with anybody and everybody and even genuinely likes his motherly-fierce-looking teacher. His teacher seems to like him genuinely too, this one I'm a little surprised about. I think it's probably his irresistible cheekiness that got her in the end. Since the lion dance that they had at school (which I missed because I was under the weather, boohoo), he's been going around doing drumming motions and demonstrating how the lion dance is done, which looks so darn funny! He'd be wriggling his bottom and his head to demonstrate how the lion moves, and his curly-top hair would be wriggling and bouncing like little springs attached to his head. It's all too funny to watch.

He's starting to be willing to sit down and do work! I'm very amazed about this. He sits and finishes his homework every single day. Some days he's the one that initiates it first. Most days he'd come home and volunteer information to me; "Ada homework tau hari ni!". He can write most alphabets well enough, but he still gets cheeky and writes it the wrong way up, upside down and such. When he does that, he knows it's wrong because he'd laugh and roll around on the floor coz he finds it so funny. Hehhh. That tests my patience sometimes! I know some kids are already writing full words and sentences at his age, but I'm not going to compare because every child is unique and learns at his own pace.

There is also one worrying element about school.. and that's regarding bullies. Apparently a kid in class was upset with Gibran and had scratched and smacked him. Both he and Shamel came home saying the same exact things, so I was confident it was the truth. H went to see Mrs. M and was told that apparently this bully is a class problem, a very aggressive character who beats and yells at the slightest provocation. I told Gibran to stay away from the kid and not to play with him anymore, and Mrs. M promised to keep a closer eye on the bully, so here's hoping nothing more will happen here onwards.

Nasty Nasty

2011-02-17T22:02:00.002+08:00

There is a nasty nasty bug going around this area. Now it's invaded this house and family.

Today Gibran and Shamel came home whining, both with really high fevers and blocked noses. After a dose of paracetamol, cold showers and a few bites of food, they fell into exhausted sleep.

Now the mummy has a sorethroat and sore head as well.

Nasty nasty.

I'm just a little disappointed that the teacher didn't detect their fevers and call us to pick them up from school. We'd have gladly done so for everyone's best interest.

That's the thing about sending your kids to a large kindy.

The Wanderer

2011-02-11T23:01:00.001+08:00

The Tadika has a very large compound. And as we know, Gibran loves to go surveying and adventuring, at any place, at any time.

On Friday, Mrs. M told my Mum (who fetched Gibran from his class)that Gibran had gone wandering again. He did that the first week of school, and since then he'd learned not to do it again. So it is pretty puzzling why he did it that Friday.

It seems that the two cousins had gone to the toilet together (they have a buddy system where you go to toilet with a friend), and Shamel had come back to class soon after. Gibran was nowhere to be seen and Mrs. M got worried after a couple more minutes. When she looked downstairs, there he was wandering around the canteen and the toilet area!

Of course he was then told off by Mrs. M about wandering around on his own.

Later at home when Mum told me the story, I asked him..

Me: "Ban, where did you go, baby? Why didn't you go back to class? You know there could be bad people out there who could take you away from Mummy."

Gibran: "Ban tak jalan-jalan, Mummy. Ban ingatkan Shamel tertinggal kat dalam toilet. Ban risau tengok Shamel takde, Ban ingat Shamel hilang."

Ahhhhhh! So our friend had not seen Shamel walking ahead of him, up the stairs, and into the class. He thought Shamel had disappeared and he was worried his cousin had gone missing. And he couldn't possibly go back to class with his beloved cousin in possible peril, could he..?

My sweet little man, you're so often misunderstood. Mummy loves you to pieces for your bravado and compassion, remember that. Please don't change!

The Tadika and Holidays

2011-02-09T12:12:00.002+08:00

The Tadika had to close 3 days earlier than planned before CNY two weeks ago because of multiple cases of H1N1. Scary stuff! Hopefully now there'll be no more cases of H1N1.

So with an earlier-than-planned CNY holiday for Gibran (hmmm this seems to be the pattern for us... early holidays every time).. we thought it meant extra fun time.

Wrong!!! Poor little fella was stuck with a mummy who had a neck sprain for two weeks!

No trips, no special outings. Just hanging out at home, and one outing to Ayden's place for a nice swimming session. While the cousins (and the rest of my family) went on a trip to Penang and balik kampung to my Dad's beloved Perak. A trip which we had to back out of.

And yet no complaints, no whines, no demands. My little guy is a kind little hero in his on right, that's how I see it.

Hope your CNY holiday was better than ours! :D

Don't Ever Think That It Can't Happen To You

2011-01-23T00:01:00.004+08:00

A few years back, my mum's friend Aunty Nora told me a shocking story about how she accidentally fed her firstborn something poisonous when he was just a newborn, thinking that it was medicine. Her son is still alive now of course, all grown up married and all. But she told me that that was the worst thing that had happened to her as a mother, and how she'd never forget it, and had things gone the opposite way... things would've turned out very differently for her life indeed.

If you think it can't happen to you, wise up, coz it can happen to anyone.

We think we'd never do such a STUPID mistake. That we'd always be careful where our children are concern. That we won't succumb to carelessness such as those because they're just too ridiculous to happen to smart people such as us. Well.. think again.

Because it happened to us yesterday night.

I'm not even going to make excuses for what had happened. All I can say is that I'm just thankful to Allah that Gibran is still alive and well. I don't even care what anybody out there think about me, because I know what I thought of poor ol' Aunty Nora when she told me that pathetically careless story of hers. All I'm sorry about is the fact that my dearest, the apple of my eye, my heart and soul Gibran had to go through all that he went through last night.

And it is indeed when you face life and death situations like we did yesterday, that the best of the people that truly care for us were revealed.

I cannot thank Allah enough for the blessings He's bestowed upon me. My son is with me, alive.. naughty as ever.. full of cheekiness and warmth. I look at him and his naughtiness (although testing nonetheless!) is all the more magical because I very nearly lost him.

Don't ever think bad things can't happen to you. They can.

All we can do as parents is to pray that should they ever happen to us.. that God will be there to help us, to aid, to protect and pull us out of it.. with all parts intact, sanity saved and still very much alive. Amin.

Tantrums

2011-01-20T17:29:00.004+08:00

You'd think a four year-old would have less tantrum fits and perangai than a two or three year-old, wouldn't you?

Well, guess again.

There are improvements since he started school, in the sense that he can concentrate better on certain things, which means his attention span has improved somehow. But there's the adoption of new habits... such as shouting when he gets unhappy, smacking things about when he doesn't get his way, and (this is the most puzzling to me).. sucking on his fingers when he's bored and thinks noone's watching.

But then again, I doubt parenthood gets easier as kids get older.

Does it...?

Or is it just me??

But it is unfair to say it's all downhill. On the contrary, it really isn't.

He has such a colourful character that he's really a joy to be with. His sense of humour is surprising and sometimes shocking, and he's continuously coming up with new jokes and new ways of making me laugh.

My little guy is a conflicted, notorious clown.

In His Own World

2011-01-12T13:41:00.003+08:00

While playing with his phone downstairs at home (he has an old out-of-order Telekom phone that he's made his own)..

Punched punched punched punched the numbers....

Me: "Gosh, Gibran, you're gonna break your phone soon. Careful there."

Ignored Mummy. Punched punched punched punched some more numbers..

Oh well, nevermind. Better the non-working phone rather than the working house phone.

Gibran: (Putting the earpiece against his ears..) "Hello..! Hello!"

While we continued with our business of getting ready to go Atuk's house.

Gibran: "Helloooooooooooo! Helloooooooooooooo! Are you there??"

Still noone spared him a glance. Not even Baba and Mummy.

Gibran: "Helloooooooooooooooooo Air Asia!!!"

Me: "Huh...?" (looking up from my laptop bag to glance at him)

Gibran: "Air Asia! Hah!! HELLO AIR ASIA!"

Now he had our full attention. But he didn't even realise it. His face was scrunched up in concentration and anger at trying to get some kind of response from the other side of his strange one-sided conversation.

Gibran: "HAH!! HELLO AIR ASIA?! YOU THERE?? I WANT TO FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

Dang. Talk about demanding service!

The First Week of School

2011-01-09T10:18:00.003+08:00

Sunday the 2nd of January was his orientation day at Tadika D. It was nothing more than an introduction to the rules and regulations that parents and children should adhere to, and to introduce the kiddies to their new school, classroom, teacher and surroundings. The kids were okay that day.. what's not to be okay about..? It was only an hour at school with us parents around, anyways.

The parents (and I'm talking about myself here) however, were full of doubts. Such a big school. Such contrast from the special, personal attention that Teacher Val used to shower on our boys at their "that-shall-not-be-named" playschool. Like a mass production factory.. churning out kids by the dozen, kid in - kid out. Twenty kids to a class, classrooms in line just like in a primary school. Teachers who talk about the need of instilling routines and rules.

I was seriously worried and not convinced if this place was the place we could give our little one.

First day of school, and Gibran salam my hands, said his usual, loud "byeeeee mummy!!!!".. and proceeded to survey the classroom while I quietly sneaked out of the class. Not that I needed to sneak. He was perfectly happy in his element. After school, I couldn't find a parking space to go down to fetch him from class. Lesson learned! Since it's such a big school, I have to get there early to grab a parking spot before the kiddies are let go. Anyway, since sister was already in the school compound, I rang her and told her to get Gibran and send him to the car.

The news of the day was that Gibran had sneaked away from his teachers and classmates during recess, and went to play at the school playground. At least a dozen teachers were alerted and rushed like maniacs to look for him. From what I gathered, he got a good scolding from his class teacher Mrs. M. But when I asked him if the teacher was alright, he said she was fun but she scolded him for going to the playground. He didn't get why he wasn't allowed to play!

My dear baby, this ain't a playschool no more.

So the following days were a bit hard because he kept on refusing to go into class because he did not want to stay in class. He wanted to run around. He didn't understand why they had to SIT in class. What's the use of the compound if all they do is sit around, sing, learn and not go exploring..?

Sheesh. Try explaining things over and over again to an adamant, opinionated 4 year-old. It gets old and annoying!

The funny thing is that although the teacher seems strict, he does seem to like her once he agrees to walk into class. The teacher too seems to have a soft spot for him, always telling me stories about him after class. He's been dubbed a "popular" fella because some parents came in to ask who Gibran is.. because their kids seem to talk about this Gibran character a lot. But at the same time, every morning he is so liat to go to school! Especially about walking into class coz he claims teacher is too fierce, and he's shy with his classmates since there are soo many of them now, not like at his ol' playschool.

Huh.

All in all, a very mixed-up week. Resulting in a very confused Mummy. Perhaps a very confused Gibran as well.

I suppose all changes take time to adjust to.

Here's hoping to a better week. And to a good year. Ultimately, I'm just hoping we made the right choice.

Riding the play-bike in school after class (every single day!) with Shamel.

Welcoming Isabel

2011-01-08T23:36:00.002+08:00

Isabel is Gibran's latest cousin :)

Gibran asks about her a lot, especially about why he isn't allowed to carry her. Hehhh... dream on, li'l fella.

Hope to see more of you soon, li'l beaut ;)

The 4th Birthday Party

2011-01-08T22:56:00.003+08:00

We had Gibran's 4th birthday party on his birthday itself, the 5th of December. It was supposed to be a small gathering but was somehow blown into a full-blown party of kids and adults alike, scattered everywhere in my parents' place... with clowns, even.

Well.. technically the clown wasn't really a clown coz some of Gibran's friends are scared of clowns, so we told the guy to come without his clown make-up. Hahahahaa!

The birthday boy in his Ultraman birthday t-shirt. He chose it himself when we were in Penang for the Penang Bridge Marathon in November and waited patiently to wear it on his birthday.

Assisting the "clown" for the magic show. He requested for a magic show specifically.. thousands of times, since he saw some magic shows at other people's birthday parties.

There were games after the magic show. The one they enjoyed the most was when they had to compete in teams to see who could best dress their friends up as mummies. Of course, most of the work was done by... the mummies. I mean; the mothers!

The Nabeel Mummy won for his perseverance in standing still while a cousin, Wajdi, wrapped him up tightly.

The birthday cake. A cake from Secret Recipe with "UltraBan" written on it (because Gibran still calls himself Ban), and Ultraman figurines standing on it. I wanted to make the birthday cake myself but lacked the time and was forced to give in to store-bought cake!

He must've consumed a ton of sugar on that day....

And still he fell asleep, exhausted, at the end of the night, happily clutching onto his new Ultraman figurine.

The verdict? He loved the party but said that next year he didn't want to have a magic show anymore because he can't run around and play anywhere and everwhere he liked because.. the clown kept looking for the birthday boy (and that's him of course!)... he didn't like the feeling of being responsible for the show. Hehhhh.... go figure!

Next year (well... this year, since it's 2011 now), we're cutting a cake in the kindy classroom, baby. ;D

The New Year's Heart's Yearnings

2011-01-04T22:53:00.004+08:00

It's 2011. A new decade.

This mummy's heart yearns for:

.. more hours in a day to blog.
.. or simply more hours to sit down for a while coz since 2011 came it's been a whirlllllllwind.
.. and a child who doesn't seem to grow up too darn fast to keep track of!

So what's new?

Gibran started Tadika D and it's been good so far. The teacher seems a bit strict and rule-finicky (as I've been told by all other parents to expect from Tadika D's teachers).. but at the same time Gibran seems to say good things about her, so I'm hoping for the best. Lets face it, there is noone in this world like his ex-playschool Teacher Valerie who would cuddle him and comfort him when he was down just as you'd do unto your own child..

It's that time of the year (summer in Australia) and we've been busy visiting our ol' Melbourne friends who are here in our part of the world for their annual holidays. So it's been wooshhh... drive Gibran to school... woooooshhh... off to the gym... wooooooshhh pick Gibran up from school.... wooooshh.. send to his grandparents' house... wooooooshh... go visit friends.... wooooooshhh... go home and feed Gibran dinner and put him to bed... and finish whatever errands left for the day while running on a nearly-empty tank of energy (or lack thereof!) .. and woooshhh.. it's bedtime and a new day again...!

So much so, I've even started writing "imaginary" blog posts in my head some days. Hehhh.

Wellllllllll.

Happy 2011, folks.

This blog ain't dead and will be very much alive once I get my head above water again. Soon.

Insyaallahhhhhh.

In the meantime, I'll just hop back onto the ride.. lest I'd miss it.

The grumpy darlings at Singapore Zoo.

No Eating And Drinking

2010-12-28T22:42:00.003+08:00

We're in Singapore and this place is a puzzle to Gibran.

He was hungry in the train and can't understand why we can't eat.

He wanted a chewing gum and was stunt when told that there's no chewing gum in this country.

Well,welcome to Singapore, darling.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

The Dino Show at Pusat Sains Negara

2010-12-18T18:35:00.002+08:00

The title seems to imply that we went to the show. Truth is, we didn't.

Gibran did for 10 minutes with his Mama Long (my sister), Papa Long and his four cousins. Then the minute he heard all the dinosour noises left right and center.. he started bawling inconsolably and demanded to go home!

So his Papa Long called us up and we had to go and fetch him from there and bring him home. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmff.

Truth is he's never had any love for dinosours or carnivorous animals like his cousins do. He'd always found dinosours boring and their noises a little scary (like those in Jurassic Park, etc.). So when he excitedly told me that his cousins were going to see dinasours and he wanted so badly to see dinosours too.. I seriously had my doubts. But I let him go anyway coz he was super-excited to go on an outing with his cousins.

Next time lets just stick to meeting superheroes, okay, my sweets..?

December..

2010-12-14T00:17:00.002+08:00

.. is full of activities.

Birthday parties.

Weddings.

Marathons.

Get-togethers.

Farewells and goodbyes.

Holidays.

Busy busy busy.

Will be back soon!

In the meantime, hope December's going great for you guys as it is for us! :D

The 4 Year Old Boy

2010-12-06T10:35:00.003+08:00

It's so unbelievable to me that Gibran turned four yesterday. The year sped by so fast. It really seemed like a second ago that we had his third birthday.

HAPPY FOURTH BIRTHDAY, my dearest huney ban.

You're a gregarious, unbelievably opinionated boy with tons of energy (always!) and spirit. There're few words I can use to describe how unbelievably independent and opinionated you are now. I hope one day you'll grow into a fine man with strong moral standings and religious beliefs. Amin!

I As Me

2010-11-25T16:46:00.005+08:00

Yeah yeah broken english whatever. Hehh.

Yeah let me be a bit narcissistic and talk about myself today. I want to talk about the Mum that I am.

It's school holiday, and Gibran's the only child (for now). That means no playmates. Well, he has his cousins whenever we go to my parents' house, but other than that, he's on his own. In this big two-story, 5 bedroom house.. he has no playmates.

Our li'l fella is thankfully not a hard audience to please. He's alright on his own, most of the time. Some days he whines for his baba or his cousins. Now that Baba is working for sometimes 12 hours a day (or more), he whines for his Baba quite a bit. Sometimes we think he whines for his Baba's HTC phone more than the need for the Baba himself because he just loves the games on that HTC :p

Now that we've got Bibik Suti, I try to give him the attention that he deserves. Read to him, bring him out for lunch, or jalan-jalan, bring him out to see his ex-schoolmates, watch TV with him, play computer games (yes he recently started being interested in computer games), do arts and crafts, and so on. Wherever I go, he goes. Whatever I do, he is there with me.

So you see, there is no such thing as a Me-time for me. Except when I go to the gym.

When H gets home, or before H goes off to work in the wee hours of the morning, I'd go to the gym for about an hour, or two. I cycle, I run, I lunge, I squat, I cross-train, I circuit-train, I lift weights. When I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm preoccupied, whatever feelings I feel, I pour it all out on my workouts.

I don't see my friends without bringing Gibran along. I never leave him alone with the Bibik because I have severe trust issues. I don't leave him with my parents or H's parents because I dislike troubling them. In all the 24 hours of the day, the only time(s) I get a break is when I'm at the gym, in the toilet doing my business (even then he'd be knocking on the door and asking me when I'd be done), and when I'm sleeping at night. Pampering myself is not in my vocabulary. Sometimes I'm content. Other times I feel dead sorry for myself.

The last thing I'm trying to do right now is to compare the Mum that I am with the Mums that other people are. Nonetheless I do envy my sister who has four kids and has no issues leaving them alone at home with her maid all day in order to go gym-ing, shopping and hang out with friends. And I do envy my working friends who have other paths to flow their thoughts out on, instead of the limited path that I've chosen. I sometimes wish that many things in my life are different, maybe if I go back to work I'd be different. Maybe if I have more kids, I'd be different. Maybe if I wasn't the child who my parents depend so much on, I'd be different.

But in the end, I know I won't be. I am me. The Mum that I am.

Today Gibran has a cough. He hasn't had a cough in a while. I didn't go to the gym today. Didn't leave him even a moment out of my sight. His inhalers are in my handbag. His thermometer and medicines too. He's napping now and waking up every 10 minutes to cough his phlegm out. And I'm sitting here in the room, in the dark with my laptop, checking on his breathing and rubbing his chest every 10 minutes when he wakes.

And I remember that when I was working, I used to call home more than 5 times everyday to check on Gibran. On days he was unwell (and there were lotssss of those coz he was a sickly infant), I'd call every hour to check on his progress. When I got home, I still cooked because I didn't like eating the maid's cooking. I still didn't let the maid handle Gibran when I came back from work because of my trust issues. I was still exhausted in many other ways then. So...

The Mum that I am won't change.

And it's time I get that into my head.... accept it as it is... and stop envying other Mums that I won't be able to be!

And hope that one day my son will love me for being the Mum that I am

Comforting a feverish 14-month old Gibran while I was semi-paralysed back in 2008.

The Eater

2010-11-23T01:23:00.001+08:00

Gibran can really eat. Alhamdulillah, praise God!

And people seldom believe it when I tell this to them because.. well, the fella's just so thin.

A bowl of rice at a seafood restaurant can go down easily. Along with kailan, lemon chicken, sotong goreng, butter prawn, steamed fish and whatever else on we put in his plate. Snap snap, no problem.

A big Dole banana and a small box of strawberry milk for tea is the norm (not the "kid" sized one okay... the normal one that used to be bigger than the one marked "school" size).

Two pieces of Kentucky Fried chicken, a bread roll, a pack of milo and ice-cream right after..? Not a problem.

An entire Fuji apple an hour after all of the above..? Bring it on.

Any new thing we try out, he'd want to try em out too.

Japanese, Chinese, Malay, Indian, Western... whatever. He's all set.

I just hope he inherits his Baba's metabolic rate at the rate he's going. He'll be damned if he inherits mine!!!! Goodness..